Suborbital subsidies
Richard Branson couldn’t stop smiling and praising himself for “blasting off” as high as the Soviet Union sent a dog in the 1950’s. Jeff Bezos followed it up by tying the records set by “Ham” the chimp the US sent up in 1961.
What the heat
It’s fucking hot. 108 in Portland, 115 in Medford, Oregon. Those are typical for us here, where central air meets central Arizona. But now you can’t escape the heat even if you fly 1000-miles north.
The plague we deserve
For years comedians like George Carlin and Bill Burr have been calling for a plague. Something to wipe out the stupid and intolerable.
In a Pickle(ball)
Remember when I said I would walk on a pickleball court when I was in hospice? Well, apparently I’m dying.
Whose dream is it anyway
I’ve been married so long, I’m starting to dream that I’m cheating on her… I’m not fucking kidding. Woke up in a hot sweat, half covered with a down blanket and fully wrapped in guilt.
Seeing the world through blue-tinted glasses
Larry the Cable Guy taught me something on Twitter. I too, am becoming a narrow-minded old fart.
Keep your distance
Covid is winding down, but I’ll be fine if you fuckers stay 6 feet away from me.
Modern day Yippie
After finishing the Peace Corp, my brother dropped out of corporate America and became an organic fruit farmer in Washington state. Remember the Hippies and the Yippies? That’s not him.
Don’t Vax; Don’t Tell
That’s right, show your vax card, venture out in public, and take off that fucking mask. If you are not vaccinated, lock down, mask up and shut the fuck up.
Bullshit searches
It took 2 years of reading marketing bullshit for my slow brain to figure out how to see words people googled in order to find this bullshit.
The list was a little surprising:
Shit Doctors Say
As a patient, I’ve never got to spend more than about 5 minutes straight with a doctor. Unless I was unconscious and he was cutting something out of my body like my appendix or the soft disc in my lumbar spine. Then maybe I can afford the full hour.
Happy Birthday — KEVIN
I’m sure you will agree that birthdays are BULLSHIT. You have done nothing to deserve all this. Today, you are just a hairy freeloader forcing a social tax on your friends for food, drinks and gifts. Congratulations — you are now a socialist.
Fat Biker: Fatter Biker
I never thought it would happen to me. Riding on the flat dirt path next to a canal, I got passed — by an even fatter biker.
The high cost of the Electoral College
It was created to solve a problem that didn’t exist, and now the very existence of the Electoral College creates a bigger problem — giving power to losers.
Masking the LJBTC
Sure the rooms were $350 a night, and we could only get a room up the stairs with a “street view,” and the restaurants were closed, and no barbecues on the beach, and there was no food or booze service on the beach. But it came with a “free mask.”
