A letter from Kieran to the 40-and over team

What follows is one of the email threads from my tennis team.

On Mon, Jan 23, 2017 at 6:40 AM Tony wrote:

Anybody interested in playing a singles match against me this morning or tomorrow evening?

Tony (TPaps)

___________________________________________________

From: Julian
Sent: Mon, Jan 23, 2017 6:41 AM
To: team

Nobody responded to me about last night. Thanks guys, really feeling the love.

I’d love to set something up for Saturday morning. Can we get a group together?

-Julian

_____________________________________________________

From: “Tamal –
Date: Tuesday, January 24, 2017 at 5:20 PM
To: Julian, team
Subject: RE: Anybody interested in playing a singles match against me this morning or Tuesday evening?

Not feeling any love Julian? What is this? A mixed team????

I really need Kieran to respond to this!

-Tamal

_____________________________________________________

From: “Kieran-
Date: Wednesday, January 24, 2017 at 5:50 PM
To: Tamal et al.,

Subject: RE: Anybody interested in playing a singles match against me this morning or Tuesday evening?

Here’s your fucking answer, but you are not going to like it.

Let’s start with the douchebaggery of the millennial generation and email etiquette. Don’t hijack a thread started by someone else. If you are looking for a game, start a new thread with your own unique subject line, you lazy little bastards.

Following the etiquette will increase your chance of getting an answer, but we are still not going to answer this kind of shit. If you will remember my previous rants, I asked the crowd to stop answering requests for “off-day” tennis. It fucks up the math for practice and men’s league.

Go team, go team go… we managed to follow directions on the Monday night request and completely ignore it. Well done, mates, well done.

Tuesday is goof around doubles day. Where were you Julian and Tamal? There were 6 guys in the bar when Wolf and I got out of the rain and walked up the stairs. We could hear the loud unintelligible conversation about 70’s versus 80’s rock bands and giggling drunks who apparently played 6 minutes of tennis and drank for 3 hours.

A good time for everyone – except Candice. For those of you who thought Terry would get his ass kicked by a girl at anything athletic, Terry managed to match Candice in the lime throw. No one else competed.

Tonight is men’s league – a great time to play with the group with no need for these goddamn messages. Thursday is the clinic with Nelson, and we could all use that — some of us just need to go to a different clinic and get our meds balanced before we come to TRC.

Show up on those 3 nights and ask people in person for weekend or off-day tennis. If you have young children at home, you may email the group on short notice when you have time to play. But if you don’t have any screaming little dependents, plan your life ahead at least 72 fucking hours – not that hard.

Tamal, you still with me?

Goddammit,

Kieran