The Pursuit of Happiness

No one is really “happy” for more than a few minutes at a time about some trivial thing.

That’s why those annoying “happy” people really piss me off.

You usually see them in families. Their live conversations sound eerily familiar to their Facebook posts — which always end in some positive praise for a family member that they probably don’t really believe:

“Love you forever, honey.” The next post on Facebook is usually “changed status to single.”

These “happy” fuckers are eating something vegan and telling you about their latest trip to someplace you will never get to go with a big shit-eating grin on their face.

We can all have a few fleeting moments of being “happy” but it’s when we are drunk or having sex, or having drunken sex, and we can all fake it for a while – especially to please a partner, (am I right??? Ladies…) But none of that lasts very long.

Sarah McLaughlin - makes you cry

Ponder politics, famine, hunger, poverty, medical care, aging, or those fucking “adopt a dog” commercials on TV, you find out real fast it’s impossible to truly be happy when you look beyond the little pile of shit we call our lives.

But my goddamn generation decided we should all be happy and tell our children they should be happy.

“I don’t care what my kids do as long as they are happy.”

When you say that in front of me, I just want to slap you in the face.

You know there’s some little douchebag somewhere worried if he/she is really happy and if that was worth the $250,000 in loans to almost get a degree in art history from Amherst. “My senior year, I didn’t see the point, so I came home, and that’s how I got to Starbucks.”

Thomas Jefferson was a hypocritical slave-holding master of bullshit who was fathering “red-headed slaves” for half of his adult life.

But he got at least one thing right: Life is about the pursuit of happiness for however fast and faint that feeling may be. You can’t catch it or hold on to happiness. Some fucking personal or global disaster will soon enough wipe that smile off your face.

We’d be a lot better off if we told our kids they will never be happy.

The best they can hope for is to help themselves or, better yet, help others find something good to chase.

Life is about the journey, or the game or the chase or however the fuck you want to define the process of putting one foot in front of the other to reach some worthy goal.

Fuck “happiness”. It’s an illusion. And if you think you are truly “happy,” fuck you too — you selfish prick. If you are so smug, fat and happy, look around you and try to lift someone else out of this vail of tears — or at least adopt a couple of downtrodden dogs so Sarah McLaughlin will shut up for a few seconds.