Lying Nazi Bullshit Diesel

VW made the mistake of allowing me to “name” my car on their fraud victims website. “Lying Nazi Bullshit Diesel” just rolls off the tongue and it accurately describes my 2012 Golf.

Other name candidates included:

  • Pooter

  • Fraud Auto

  • Gray Piece of Shit

  • Cheating Bastard

  • Clean-air Fucker

  • Fucking Donald J. Trump

I almost typed plain old “Mother Fuckers”, but Samuel L. Jackson has done that to death.

When I told the Bear she said. “How are they going to feel being called Nazis?”

Shit. Another discussion I lost before it started. OK, they probably aren’t Nazis’ any more (just the people who started VW 1930’s). But Nazi had a certain truthiness, and maybe it will piss them off just a little.

I want to piss off the people of VW as much as I can. Fuckers. They build the car with a fraud system to fool emissions, and I get stuck with it. The car runs great, turbo pickup, great diesel mileage — even heated seats. But I can’t sell it and if I get in a wreck the insurance value is next to nothing. It’s like having an ice cream sundae except the chocolate topping has been replaced by lukewarm, black bird-shit. Now I have to decide if I want to just scrape off the top and keep eating or throw the whole fucking thing out.

It’s a goddamn $20,000 car, and the state doesn’t pay me enough to throw that kind of shit away. So everyday I’m scraping and eating as I drive between Tucson and Phoenix and hope everyone on I-10 fucking stops when I stop.

The VW fuckers have been taking their time in screwing me too. The scandal is more than a year old and I spent a good 9 months waiting for them to decide what the hell they were going to do.

Then VW got sued in California and lost. So now me and the 13 million other victors have a “settlement”, but the car has to be drivable when you turn it in. Looking at all their bullshit paperwork, my best deal is to drive the car until the last day of the deal and turn it in at the last minute.

The risk is if I get in an accident and it has to be totaled, then Allstate and VW get to split the settlement “prize” and I get shafted by 2 big dick companies at the same time.

So you can understand why I’m a “nervous driver.” My sphincter is knotted up like the first week of boys scouts. If you see me on the road, get the fuck out of the way. I just gotta make it to fall 2018 to get my money back and you shitheads better not hit me and fuck up this deal for me and my Lying Nazi Bullshit Diesel car.