I started this bullshit blog as a fun way to vent, cut down the long email threads from my shithead friends, and maybe get them to act right.
But this bullshit is not working. The fucking USTA tennis team is still throwing out these long email chains or WhatsApp chats. Don’t you fuckers work? You make fun of me for blogging, but I know your goddamn emails take longer for you to write than it takes me to type out this shit.
And what’s up with the continued Old Man Sex talk. I fucking spell it out for you in 500 words or less to stop this shit. That was a month ago.
But one of my 3 readers, thinks a “Penis Pump” is a metaphor, and it sparks a whole new round of Old Man Sex talk while I am trying to choke down a chicken wing with some Dos Equis swill.
First of all a “Penis Pump” is a noun, not a metaphor – Google it. And Secondly, stop talking about your erectile dysfunction. I’m not getting paid to be your sex therapist for fuck’s sake. (ironic phrase added by mistake – left in and pointed out for the English teacher who doesn’t know a sex tool (noun) from a comparison (metaphor))
This reminds me of when I was teaching 15-year-olds in Phoenix in the 90’s. My bullshit wasn’t working then either.
Those little shitheads couldn’t keep from splicing their commas or make their nouns and verbs agree, but every time I wasted 5 minutes with a personal story, they remembered the exact details of when I discovered foot fungus actually existed, or that my dumbass dog ran into a car (yes the dog hit the car, not the other way around – I am a witness).
I tried for 7 years but I never got those fuckers to learn what they were supposed to learn. They just remembered the bullshit and forgot the rest. 15 year later, I got a whole new group of bullshit readers and they can’t keep a simple theme straight like stop fucking filling my inbox with crap or my ears with your sad sex stories.
Ok. I should have known this bullshit would never “work.” At least at the end of this shit, I can say: “well it was fun for me, how about you?” Don’t answer that – I really don’t want to know.