Unequal Pay

There are only two guys in the world I’m jealous of — both of them are fucking geniuses. They don’t have to work because their wives make a ton of money.

As far as I know they sit around in their underwear till noon, go work out for an hour and spend the rest of the day drinking the kind of high-end spirits I could never afford. They are fit and relaxed.

I don’t see them anymore. I tell myself I just can’t afford to do what they want to do. But the real reason is I can’t stand to see the shit-eating grin on their thin little faces. Both their wives work in healthcare.

The Bear picked teaching. So like the rest of you shit heads, I have to put on pants and go to a job. If she had been a surgeon, I’d be in my underwear and drunk on $100-a-shot whiskey right now.

A few nights ago, we were talking about finances. The Bear reminded me that since she “retired,” she is now making more money than I am. Of course this is her bullshit retirement. On paper she retired after 30 years of teaching. But she went right back to the classroom and is double dipping.

I was telling this story to my father, who’s 85 or 86, and I was really shocked by his reaction.

“So now that you are older, you are mature enough to be OK with your wife making more money than you?” he asked.

What the Fuck? This is the man who lived with the woman who gave birth to me. My mother (the teamster) would never put up with that kind of bullshit chimp-like thinking…

“OK with it?” I said. “I wish she would go get another goddamn job.”

For most of our marriage, she made more than me. But I quit teaching and worked in the private sector. Less stress, less hours and a lot more money. I would have been a hell of a lot happier if she had stayed ahead of the game.

Fuck those people who say teachers have it easy. I’m looking at you Karen N. You clueless twit.

I’ll never understand the pay gap. Don’t these dumb shits know that paying women less — means less for their own families?

Are there still enough men with wives at home that this makes some sort of sense… Of all the people I know, I only know one guy whose wife doesn’t really work to support the family. He’s married to Karen N. (for fuck’s sake).

So who is it that’s supporting this gender pay gap? Are there a bunch of gay men with no women in their lives setting the pay ranges for every job in America? There’s not enough gay men in the world to exert that kind of control. So it would have to be a bunch of secretly gay men married to a bunch of beards. That fucking closet would have to be huge.

Is it the god damn illuminati, free masons and the holy spirit keeping half the world down?

Or is it that men really are this fucking stupid and I’m one of only 3 geniuses in the world who want their wives to make as much money as possible….