It’s the US Open mother fuckers, time to celebrate tennis. But I just had to go to the usopen.org website and fucking ruin it.
It’s that same fucking bland blue background from the United States Tennis Association (USTA) that years of Pavlovian training have taught me to hate.
Loads like a piece of shit, you can’t find anything, and it circumnavigates you to the “home” page with useless giant pictures of smiling teenagers. Get those fucking happy kids off my screen, and let me fill out the fucking registration form.
Within a day of that shit storm, I had to sign up for my fall USTA tennis league in Tucson on the piece of shit usta.com site. I’d rather wade through a neck deep pool of puke naked.
This goddamn time, the shit site told me I had to “update” my account to the “web account”.
The page replaced the hated blue with white and a simple form – no pictures. This new site could actually work. I had almost a full second of hope – a glimpse of happiness.
But then the shit site wouldn’t recognize my password. It didn’t recognize my email or let me update the fucking email account.
I had to use the forgot password link from hell. It sent me back to an email account I hadn’t used in 8 years. I didn’t know the password to that fucking email account, so I had to use the forgot password on that fucking email site.
That sent me to an older email account from a previous job for a company that no longer exists. Fortunately that tied back to a Qwest account (another former employers that doesn’t exist — I’m killing corporate America all by myself — one company at a time).
I get the three emails, update all the accounts and get the fucking reset password link to the new “web account” for the USTA site.
The clean white page with no pictures disappears. Slowly, that fucking blue background loads with those 1000×1000 pictures of some happy fucking kids…
Here come all the same old confusing menus, broken links and contradictory crap.
God-damn it, I hate you people.
You put a false fucking white front on the same piece of shit website, and made me register all over again like it’s a goddamn Wells Fargo bank account.
30 minutes and $25 later, I’m registered for my team. There’s 30 of us on the team list. I’m the 4th one to register. My teammates must be a bunch of lazy shit-heads.
On second thought, I’m guessing they are afraid to use that vaginal fart of a website too.
Later that day, I’m watching the open on TV. Venus Williams and Kavitova (however the fuck you spell it) are hitting winners and the crowd is really into it. I’m getting into it.
They pan to the audience and there is Kristina Adams, the head of USTA, sitting with Voldemort, I mean the new NBA commissioner – what’s-his-fuck-face. They are smiling. Fucking smiling…
Pan back a few rows, and there are empty rows of “corporate” seats all around them. The noise is coming from the upper deck. Because our goddamn tennis overlords sold off the good seats to the corporate sponsors who don’t give a fuck about tennis.
In the meantime, these fucking USTA “leaders” are lining their own pockets with my fucking dues… Even the New York Times says so.
Don’t get me started on the Honey Deuce drinks they sell at this rip off event. http://www.townandcountrymag.com/leisure/drinks/news/a3646/honey-deuce-us-open-cocktail-recipe/
$16 fucking bucks because it has a couple of “melon balls.” Charging that much takes balls – especially for a drink named Honey Deuce – like they looked down in the toilet at their own yellow shit and said: “Eureka — Honey Deuce it is.”
Once when I was a kid, I drank 3 blue slurpee’s from 7-11 in 10 minutes. Later that day, I could have look down in the bowl and screamed: “Eureka – It’s the USTA website.”
This is my second rant about the USTA, and I doubt it will be the last. Fuck those guys.
PS: Original rant is here: https://kieranbullshit.com/2017/03/03/fuck-the-usta/
And that links to this discussion:
Which linked to this article:
Which linked to this article:
Note: In the original post I said the Honey Deuce were $12, but Larry told me they are $16, for fuck’s sake.
Categories: Tennis teams