We can all agree Harvey and Irma dumped a shit ton of rain from Texas to South Carolina.
One bright spot is that all that rain can wash away a lot of political bullshit. From different political perspectives here’s the washed out truth:
Capitalist: Leverage growth opportunities with after-storm prices (stick it to the poor bastards).
Fascists [includes the entire “Alt Right”]: The wind and rain was caused by (insert target racial group here). As soon as the water recedes, we deport/kill (insert target racial group here). Make America Great Again.
Socialists: The government will immediately “act”. 25 years from now, we will have good enough for government housing and some ugly gray retaining walls finished. No one will want to live there.
Evangelicals: Beaumont and Houston are the new Sodom and Gomorrah. Obviously, there was a ton of butt-fucking in Port Arthur and Charleston, too. Why else would God send a flood?
Tele-Evangelists (Joel Olsteen): Keep your poor, wet ass off my lawn and out of my church. Donate to me NOW.
Liberals: The Government must do everything to help everyone who was affected by the flood. Tax the rich.
Conservatives: The Government can’t do anything right. Tax cuts for the rich.
Libertarians: You should have bought a fan boat mother fuckers. Freedom means you are free to be flooded.
Environmentalists: Climate change is real. If you want to stop these storms: Stop driving, go vegan, and stop fucking. Having kids is the worst thing you can do for the planet.
I don’t know of any political philosophy that has all the right answers, but we know the right answers are not on this list.
So after all the rain and wind and storm surge, we are right back where we started: SNAFU (Situation Normal: All Fucked-Up).
Categories: Political Correctness