Picture Books

Humans are “de-evolving” into their tiny little bird brains.

Just look around, people are getting Dumber and Dumber (and the fact that anyone could sit through that fucking movie proved it).

Some will blame Trump and his Idiocracy (who thought that piece of shit movie was written by god damn Nostradamus).  Some will blame the PC police and their bans on any “unacceptable” thought.

They are both partially right. But those are symptoms, not the cause.

I have found the root cause. And strangely enough, I found it in the deep sea of idiocy — the internet.  I was searching for examples of good writing, book recommendations, and top blogs. What I found was a sea of pictures. Pages and pages of pictures and videos about what is “good writing.” The top 10 blogs were nothing but pictures and captions.

What the fuck?

Books are the New Guns

Sure Amazon is selling a ton of books, but it’s like guns. They are selling more and more shit to the same small group of people.

I know because every two weeks I take my father to Barnes & Noble to buy a book or two.  It’s always the same people.

I imagine they are all like him. He’s got books packed from floor to ceiling and all over the tables and every flat surface (including the stove). None of his books have pictures, and most of them are big enough to stop doors.

If he bought guns like he does books, the ATF would have burned down his house like he was a wacko in Waco.

He’s fucking up the curve.

The rest of us are clickity-click-clicking all day long and looking at pages and pages with pictures.

I know. I’ve seen the analytics on this Bullshit. People just linger on the pictures. Anything with text gets skipped. No matter how important the words or what they are trying to say, our new crop of morons, skips over them to get to the cat video.

It’s not just douchebag millennials. Old people used to read. Now they Facebook — call it good.

Even if you are reading this Bullshit, don’t look down your fucking nose at the rest of us. I see the numbers on this site, if there’s a picture, you linger.

Doesn’t anybody remember the 5th grade. We used to make fun of the kid who was still reading “Picture Books.” I punched Tim Watts in the face in the 7th grade, because his library book was full of pictures.

But now these same kids are “adults”, and they can’t focus long enough to finish a 5-sentence paragraph.

Fingering is the New Reading

They spend all day fingering their smart phones and iPads getting all excited by “cute” pictures or videos they see, and then “share”.

Sure fingering is great for porn, but how about treating the news or social issues with a little more gravitas than 2 minutes of masturbation.

Put down the phone and read something. When you read, you have to interpret, imagine and think.

When you look at a picture, you are just staring like a dead fish. Unless there’s some deep intention or art, there’s nothing more going on in your head than seeing colors and shapes. “Ahh what a pretty blue…”

pigeon-picture

The proof is in the pigeons

I don’t need a brain scan to prove it. I’ve got pigeons.

They sit on the window ledge to my office and look at my screens. If it’s a document or a text, they quickly fly away.

If I have pictures or a video up, they stare at it for 10-20 minutes at a time with their fixed little yellow eyes. It’s creepy but illuminating.

Don’t tell me pigeons are smart. Look at the size of their little heads and their tiny bird brains. If you think those fucking flying rats have some deep existential philosophy, you deserve to devolve into your own little bird brain.

It must be pride that brings to you share this shit on social media. Stop being so proud of your own stupidity.

Feel some shame for all the time you spend with pictures and video. Now click off this Bullshit, and go read something meaningful.

 


Update: July 11, 2020

I wrote this back in 2017 — it’s just getting worse. The rant, and the lack of reading.  Maybe this pandemic will push us all out of the bars and back into our homes and we’ll pick up a book out of boredom.

Nah…

Here’s a video of a pigeon reading…

 

 

2 thoughts on “Picture Books

  1. Excellent piece, Kieran. I laughed, I cried, I took a dump while reading it as you well surmise.

    And that’s my point. We can read on the toilet . It was something my Dad taught me when he used to isolate himself in the bathroom on Sunday mornings with the entire New York Times and read his Ass off for hours. I don’t know how he avoided the numb legs effect but he survived. More importantly, he not only read the Times back when it was a real newspaper but he also kept us at bay by keeping the paper in the bathroom for hours. No one dared enter because, well, he wasn’t only reading in there, ya know.

    And that’s my other point. My Dad, perhaps unknowingly – I never asked him – imbued me with a love of reading cause he used to make me wait for the damn paper. And that, my friend, is da shit. 😂👍🏻

    Liked by 1 person

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