This religious zest for drug purity tests is Bullshit at it’s best.
We make up a Bullshit list of what is “performance enhancing.” Fucking caffeine is performance enhancing, but somehow we don’t care how many cups of Joe, Jose had before he goes to bat.
If you have ever been on a long run or bike ride, you know sugar is super “performance enhancing. ” But nobody is slapping gatorade (or whatever-the-hell drink he has in the commercials) out of JJ Watt’s hands.
But take one little steroid, or EPO or whatever that Mela-what-the-fuck they busted Maria Sharapova with and the whole fucking world is coming to an end.
Cheaters like “sinners” must be punished. And it both cases, I call Bullshit.
Athletes have always “cheated.” Babe Ruth and the 1986 Mets were pumped up on speed and greenies for years. Speed was regularly given to athletes up to 1960, so all those old records were all “tainted”.
As far as I can tell the whole notion of testing is to make it “fair” and that performance should be based on how hard one works and their talents.
But steroid users work pretty hard too. You can’t take a pill and sit on the couch and then hit 70 dingers in a season.
People are born with higher levels of testosterone, or steroids or tolerance for lactic acid. Why should they have an “unnatural” advantage just because of some random fucking combination of genes.
We should set baseline blood levels for testosterone, humane growth hormone, red-blood cells and all the other shit we can measure that “enhances performance.” (viagra?)
Then let all the athletes take whatever the fuck they want as long as their blood does not exceed the limits. That would be fucking fair. Everybody gets the same shot no matter what they were born with or what they take from the pharmacy.
Then success could be related to how hard you work and not how you were born. And yes, the rich will always have an advantage of time and money over the poor. But that’s how the fucking world works Buttercup, get over it.
Sure taking all this shit might give you cancer (Lance Armstrong) or kill you from a brain tumor (Lyle Alzado). But it’s not any riskier than putting on a helmet and running full speed to smash your head into someone else’s head.
Hurray for Darwinism — we weed out the crazy ones with brain disorders. Because if you are still putting that helmet on with all we know now, you are fucking crazy.
And maybe if it’s out in the open we can know what people are taking and measure the results. We get to see all the home runs, and big hits and new records and have a whole set of rich, guinea pigs who will try anything for science and profit.
We could set the blood levels a lot lower for high school and college athletes to reduce their incentives. We could make the professional leagues pay for all that testing (they are the ones who will profit from the future test subjects). It’s just a farm team with pills and needles.
It might be crazy as shit to see how big people get, how fast they can run and how long they can last when they are doped to the limits.
But it wouldn’t be any crazier than the fucking stupid system of hide and seek we have now. And that’s why I wanna see more dopers.