Ads on Top of My Bullshit –Updated

Most of you would never notice, but I added Google Ads to this Bullshit. No, no, I’m not fucking stupid, I’m never going to make any money at this shit.

I did it for two reasons:

  • Better tracking

  • Free Beer (maybe)

Wix still really sucks for building a bullshit blog website. One area where it sucks the hardest is tracking readers.

One side of my brain doesn’t give a fuck if anyone reads this shit. But the other side keeps clicking the “analytics” pages to see which of my bullshit stories got any attention at all.

Wix has lots of tools. Who clicks an email link, counted. Who opens a post, check. Who came from Facebook or Twitter, marked. But none of those numbers ever fucking match, so I know all the tracking is “wrong.”

Enter Google Ads. They count “impressions” for number of people who see each page, and count the clicks on each ad for “payment”.

OK. So sticking an ad on a page might give me better count of how many people actually read which bullshit.

Are Fat Biker stories more popular than Political Correctness? Do all the Tennis Team rants get more people to read them than strangers will watch the Lewis Black videos?

Immature, inquiring minds want to know, and fucking Google is going to tell me — or else. (Or else what, I have no idea — I’ll probably just type out more angry bullshit on how Google sucks too).

What to do if people actually click on an ad… I could waste the few pennies on my own personal needs (food, clothing and shelter for my poor family of share croppers). I could waste it on alcohol to kill my two remaining brain cells. I could give it to charity.

Ehhh.. fuck my family and poor people. That doesn’t fit this Bullshit Blog.

I need something that is a complete waste of time yet somehow gives others the false feeling that life is actually worthwhile… Enter Larry and his many home brew needs.

We set up the most selfish GoFundMe ever to buy our little Larry a fermenter, for fuck’s sake. Two weeks later, he tells me he “must” have a “Glycol chiller.”

I don’t know what the fuck that is, but here’s a random redneck explaining it in the home-brew process. This is not Larry’s shit, but it’s the same idea.

This is a bullshit-blog-worthy cause I can get behind. Take pennies from ads on this bullshit, to brew the beer that will give me more bullshit ideas so I can generate more bullshit blogs.

Brilliant!

I was going to put up banner pictures and links saying “click this ad” to help Larry get his cooler, but then I read the fucking ad policies from Google. We are not allowed to “encourage clicks.”

So, I can’t just hammer click on the ads on my site all day to drive revenue. Shit.

I can’t even ask you guys to hammer click on ads all day to get Larry’s cooler so we can get our free beer faster. Bastards.

I can’t promise the ad funds will go to a third party or do something good. Fuck.

All I can do is add the ad to the home page and the single post page and hope.

Hope that this bullshit is good enough so you all keep coming back.

And hope the Google Ads read your minds so well you will want to click on their crap anyway.

Hope has never worked for me before, so here’s hoping for the second* time one of my bullshit ideas actually works.

*The GoFundMe for the fermenter was the first time a bullshit idea of mine worked.

UPDATED Nov 2, 2018

I pulled the ads off. No one was clicking them.

Some people said they could not “find them” on their phones — that’s a pretty good excuse.

Or they may get enough free beer from Larry and don’t want to spend another second supporting that habit.

Or you could say they are highly moral people who would rather honestly donate their money for a fermentor than skirt the rules to leverage ad clicks to force unwitting advertisers to buy a cooler?.

But all of that is bullshit.

My fiends are lazy fucking pendejos who wouldn’t even click an Ad to help a friend.

But we all knew that already…

Enjoy a faster site without all those bullshit ads getting in the way. It’s just another thing to add to the failed idea pile.