Top 10 Douchebag Millennial Moves

Of all the bad shit the Baby Boomers have done, the worst is raising all of these fucking douchebag millennials.

Every generation has always complained about the next. On the scale of suckiness, millennials are not all that bad. They are not evil or supporting fascism or communism, but god damn it they are an annoying group of little self-absorbed douchebags.

Here’s my top 10 list of douchebaggery I have witnessed from millennials:

10) They text, “I’ll be there at 8” and they show up at 9 or not at all. They offer only lame excuses and no apologies.

9) “I can’t make the team tennis match, my car battery died and no one has jumper cables.” Your generation invented Uber. Fucking use it, douchebag.

├╝ber blocking traffic

8) In busy urban settings, they stand in the road looking down at their phones trying to find their Uber driver. But their goddamn driver can’t get to them, because they are blocking traffic. Look up and get out of the fucking road, douchebag.

7) 20-something “girls” with these short, ass-hanging-out-shorts and “High Thigh” tattoos — hate to tell you, but in 20 years, that shit is going to look like a tumor.

6) In order to get them to do a simple task, you have to send them a reminder or you hear: “I didn’t do it, because you didn’t remind me.” Do your job, douchebag.

5) Even after they move out of your house, they park their piece of shit used car in your spot in the garage, and leave their “extra” furniture, old clothes and other shit at your house. When you move out, move your shit with you.

4) Every time you see cars wandering all over the road, not moving at the green light or speeding up and slowing down for no fucking reason, half the time, it’s 90-year olds. The other half, it’s millennials playing with their fucking phones. Put down the phone and drive, douchebag.

3) They complain how they have no money, while posting pictures of their expensive tropical vacation. They put the vacation on their credit card when they “can’t even pay off their student loans”. Throw the credit card away if you can’t pay it off, douchebag.

2) Ask them a question like: “Are you coming over?” They give you a passive, incomprehensible, bullshit response: “I’d like to, if you really need me, but I’m supposed to do this other thing too…” It’s fucking “Yes” or “No”, douchebag, pick one.

1) They protest and clamor about their support for Bernie. But on election day they don’t vote, so we get stuck with Trump. If you really care, fucking grow up, be a full citizen and vote — because your future depends on it, douchebag.