We all have a friend or acquaintance who just blurts out the truth without even trying.

Kangaroo-face Gibson has been trying to fill that role for years. He calls me “Gomer Pyle” and “fat body” and tells me my knees will never get better until I get smaller.

“It’s like trying to hold up a boulder with two tooth picks,” Gibson said.

That kind of shit should make me take stock of my life and do something with myself. But everybody knows Gibson is a fucking idiot, and his words should be scorned like Trump talking to the United Nations.

Nope, the person who easily cuts to the core is Kate. She came from Buffalo or some rust belt city where they don’t sugar-coat shit like these California-like pussies who seem to surround us in Arizona.

She occasionally drops by the “guy’s” court after tennis “practice” to out-drink us and join in our crappy heckling.

Two quick examples:

I’ve been having these knee issues so I rarely chase a drop-shot or a lob. I stand there, look at my doubles partner and bark “Yours”.

But this one time, her husband Andy hits a hard shot that lands short. It bounces up about 10 feet. Like the Spanish Inquisition, nobody expected that I would limp my fat ass to the other side of the court. They stopped moving. My next shot landed in a big open space.

“See, you can move when you want to move,” Kate projected across the court with the kind of disdain you save for a child that will not eat his peas until you promise him a cookie.

A few weeks later, I’m bitching in the bar about my knees.

“Have you tried actual exercise and just getting stronger?” Kate said.

She managed not to say: “Because your fat ass is obviously as weak as a sick kitten.” But she was thinking it. God damn it, everyone at the table knew she was thinking it.

I could complain about such blatant “body shaming” and Kate’s obvious micro-aggressions. But that’s a fucking waste of everyone’s time.

Sometimes the truth hurts — it should make you do something about it. Did I eat less and exercise more?

Fuck NO.

I went to the platelet doctor looking for some quick miracle shots.

By the way my doctor’s accountant would like to thank both Gibson and Kate for the kind donation of my hard-earned money.

PS

*** Image is from this story about Kate Winslet’s speech on how she was body shamed as a child. https://etcanada.com/news/213056/kate-winslet-says-she-was-told-shed-have-to-settle-for-fat-girl-parts-during-inspiring-speech-on-body-shaming/

Maybe our local Kate should go have a talk with little Ms. Winslet?

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