I have a lot of political opinions, but I don’t do much about them. I vote. But I don’t protest, I don’t donate to political causes very often, I don’t volunteer.
I’m suspicious of all groups. I’m not “a joiner”, and I really kinda hate people. But I finally found a political movement I can get behind: Free the Nipple.
That’s right. There’s a group that wants to make it legal for women to go shirtless. In some social settings it’s fine for men to go without shirts: the beach, hiking, hot summer days, sand volleyball, golf, swimming…
But women have to keep em strapped and covered. Holding onto this segregation of the sexes, seems very medievil. What men routinely do, is obscene when done by a woman.
Sure, sure, you can say I have a huge self-interest in Free the Nipple.
Sure, sure, I will certainly enjoy the view. It will be quite titillating (at first).
But shortly thereafter it will go the way of the thong. Remember when we never got to see a woman’s ass in public? Scandalous, salacious and scarce soon turns to normal, mundane and even boring when it is seen in every music video, every vacation advertisement and half the beer and car commercials.
Topless would quickly be the same.
I’m sure sunburn and skin cancer would quickly drive most women to keep them covered most of the time.
I’ve got pigment impairment and 50-pounds of keep your shirt on that have assured my nipples have not seen the sun for all of this century and much of the last. I highly suspect it would be the same for most women.
But for the young and dumb who want to feel free and don’t yet worry about melanoma, why should peeling off their top be illegal? Seems hard to call yourself the land of the free when half the nipples are imprisoned.
I’m sure the social rules that keep men from wearing thong bikinis and keep them wearing shirts to work will work for women too. We don’t have to worry that the woman in the next cube is suddenly going to show up without her tube top and make the whole office uncomfortable. Nobody is going to have to get the nipple out of the red stapler.
This is a movement all freedom loving Republicans and Libertarians should get behind. We don’t need these government regulations stifling the exercise of our rights.
Every democrat should support it as a matter of women’s rights. With all the talk of gender transitions, soon it may not even be possible to fully define who can show the nipple or not. There could be some very confusing court cases with people in a gender transition going shirtless at the beach…
I’m sure the bible-thumpers will find some quote about clothing so they can talk about sin and abomination. But if they actually followed the clothing restrictions in that book they shouldn’t be wearing polyester and women should always cover their hair, so fuck them and their stupid fucking rules.
Now that I want to join, I just have to figure out where this group meets. I’m sure I could round up a squad of pendejos to join the first march in Arizona.