You know what is missing from the Bible? Apologies.
According to the google the only thing the fictional god of the bible ever apologized for: creating man.
Genesis 6:6, NLT: “So the LORD was sorry he had ever made them and put them on the earth. It broke his heart.”
Well shit. Is that an apology to man for making the earth so harsh? Or is that an apology to the earth for filling it with these assholes who are destroying it as fast as they possibly can?
Neither, if you listen to most bullshit preachers, god’s just pissy that he can’t control people… and briefly wishes he had never created them.
I’ve always pictured the imaginary Christian god, as a recovering drug addict in the longest rehab on record.
His drug of choice? Power. “I made all creation, now bow down before me”, kinda crap…
But out of the 12 steps, he’s stuck on step 8:
Make a list of all persons we have harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Maybe he’s too busy tracking every bad word in a massive celestrial swear jar? Maybe making tally marks for all the masturbation or gay sex or sex outside of marriage keeps his mind occupied? Maybe he just can’t keep up with all the touchdowns he has to create in every football game in America?
So let me help out a little.
Let’s start small
How about apologizing for the flesh-eating bacteria? We are starting to understand how important microbes are — even in our own bowels and how much they control our thoughts and moods. But com’on, did the lamb of god have to create a kind that eats our flesh right before our eyes?
The flu. Do you have to mutate the viruses every year? Did you have to make it mass murder across the planet every hundred years or so?
The mosquito. Did you like little stings and then watch people die in droves from the malaria and fevers they carry? Maybe you could kill all the mosquitos (and attaching a little card with a nice note, couldn’t hurt.)
Working our way up a little
Childhood cancer — or any cancer for that matter. Are you as the Master of the Universe just a sick, sadistic bastard? Do you get some pleasure out of watching the families go through it too? Seriously, What the Fuck? Maybe inspire a few more researchers to actual find the cure for all those crappy diseases.
Floods, tornados, tsunami’s — a little more heads up they are coming, or send them to unpopulated areas? The Lord of Lords don’t have to destroy New Orleans, Houston or Puerto Rico just because he can. There’s plenty of space in Antartica or North Dakota if you need to vent a little.
Plate techtonics. Sure maybe a “live planet” sounded like a good idea from the start, but the earthquakes and volcanoes are a little over the top. Hate to break it to you ohh hosts of hosts, but people do not want to see lava in their living rooms. A little wave and a “my bad” as you redirect the lava would be a good start.
I could spend all day making a better list, but as the original omniscent being, you get the point.
Saying I’m sorry isn’t going to fix all the bullshit we face every day, but it would be a good place to start.
Once you edit that bullshit bible with a few “sorry’s”, then maybe you can work on fixing some of these fucked up messes you have left behind — you know, Step 9 you have to actually try to “make amends.”
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Categories: Anti Theism
KieranHumor.com 
We were just discussing this at dinner last night. I believe the latest research shows that people who identify themselves with religion are now the minority to those that do not. The Millenials are coming into this now and their numbers are increasing this phenomenon. I think they just don’t succumb to the societal pressure of being associated with religion as my generation X did/does. Now if we could just get the politicians to notice so they can stop pretending as well.
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Amen
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Gomer Pyle this is why you are a God damn communist heathen the same way 1/4 cookie eating pussy Joe is who he is. You can’t help but ignore the evidence the same way Joe ignores the other 3/4 of the cookie.
First off you should give thanks that you eat three meals a day, or more based on the space you acupy. And also that you haven’t had a heart attack by now based on that massive size. Same goes for me too actually. I could go on but you get the picture. If we all received what we deserved, we would be obliterated by a holy God. But instead a ransom was paid for you and me and everyone else who sins, and that is everyone who ever lived including the best people you know or anyone else in history. If you don’t think so we could ask your dad how “good” you are or were growing up. Again same goes for me. Perfection is the standard for God and none of us meets or comes close to it.
We can’t escape tragedy in this life but we can escape it in the next if we accept payment made for us by Jesus (not Tongate). Jesus said “What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul.” That is where God’s love is shown the most in addition to all the good we receive here on earth. As long as there is free will there will be sin and destruction along with it.
Stop ignoring the evidence the way Joe ignores 3/4 of a cookie. Finish the book I gave you and examine the evidence and look for the truth instead of your preconceived notions and then you won’t be a God damn communist heathen anymore.
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Wow. You should look up the word evidence. And I guess your argument is that we get the flu because we are “bad”.. or earthquakes kill people because they are not “perfect”. That’s a pretty fucking scary idea.
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You want proof and the bottom line is you don’t believe because you don’t want to believe no matter the evidence. People didn’t believe when Jesus was performing miracles 2000 years ago right in front of them. The Pharisees believed in their own self righteousness and thought Jesus was working miracles by Satan’s power.
Innocent people suffer consequences all the time when they are not at fault. Drunk drivers usually kill or harm innocent people as opposed to other drunk drivers. We will never see perfection this side of the grave.
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I really want to believe in Santa. But like god there’s no evidence for Santa either. If you believe in miracles, you must believe that sai baba is god. He says he is god, was born of a virgin and hundreds of thousands of he followers have seen his miracles. Here’s one on YouTube. Get ready to pray to this guy. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pmL-d993zJk.
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haha! i enjoy your irreverent take, but if you think you can take the good without the bad, you’re only looking at half of story.
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Thanks. But I don’t understand your point. Most of the religious only think about the good without any thought of the harsh and terrible environment that a “loving god” has created for us. Example. Somebody survives cancer by “divine miracle” — so doesn’t that mean the divine also killed all those other people with cancer?
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you cannot have life without death, we cannot know happiness without knowing suffering, we cannot have creation without destruction. god encompasses both, and then transcends them. all these ‘dualities’ are aspects that come and go. god is beyond any duality. it simply means ‘one’. cheers!
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Not saying there would be no death or destruction. Something has to die for us to live… but if there were a god, it would be guilty of cruel and unusual punishment for malaria, cancer, the flu and other “over the top” destruction.
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indeed. but why think it’s punishment? sometimes, a tragedy may turn out to be boons. our vision, as people is always limited, we only see a very small part of the whole. of course, illness and disease will always exists and will always be painful, but we can change our attitude to it and deal with it differently. it’s all in how we deal with life…not what happens per say. we cannot expect life to just offer us happy, healthy, good things because then we would not recognize them as such.
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All true to a degree. But we are perfectly capable of learning those lessons without cancer or malaria. There is plenty of tragedy and pain in just getting old. We didn’t “lose” perspective when we reduced polio and measles. So it’s a horror to think we would unnecessarily be punished by an omnipotent being. If he did exist, we would have to destroy him to survive.
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pure consciousness. nothing else. it takes no sides. have a marvelous day!
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