Despite dropping rates of violent crime, Americans are ever more paranoid.

The news keeps telling us about murders, home invasions and car jackings… So people adopt this mental defensive crouch like we are Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon.

I was reading a blog by Nowhere Tribune.  Titled Simpled Self-Defence Tips That Everyone Should Follow.

It’s a good list written in a how-to style — like he’s describing how to replace a toliet:

1. Be aware of your surroundings.
2. Pick a chair facing the entrance.
3. Trust your gut feelings.
4. Follow the “Three second rule.” (lock your car door quickly)
5. Keep your windows up.
6. Scan the parking lot.

Seemed like a fine list, and maybe not bad to keep in the back of your head.   What really got me was the flurry of comments from people who do everything on the list every day.  And teach their children to be even more paranoid.

Why the fuck are you living like a mob boss on the run? I don’t want to explain to the hostess why “I must face the door.” Next I’ll be asking for more tin foil to replace my hat.

So I actually used the Google.

STATS of the Day

The likelihood of being a victim of violent crime in US committed by a stranger is about .001 percent.

There are about 1.2 million violent crimes a year in America. But two-thirds of those crimes are committed by family and friends.  That leaves only about 360,000 violent crimes committed by strangers (out of 325 million people).

You can lift weights and watch the door all you want, but you would be better off being nice to the people you know, so not even The Savages will want to kill you.

Or better yet, put the cell phone away while driving — there’s 1.25 million people killed in cars each year.

Source: Statistica.com

It’s the same mindset that makes people want to carry guns everywhere they go — to the store, to the bar and even to church. But carrying a gun only makes it 4.5 times more likely you will be shot.

Keep telling yourself, “I feel safer with my glock” while they put you or one of the people around you in the ambulance.  It also makes it more likely your kids will accidentally shoot someone or shoot themselves.

Kidnapped by the Crips?

I’m not saying you should never think defensively.  Hell, that would just make you a fucking idiot like my friend Sean, who got himself kidnapped by a single, unarmed “crip.”

It’s actually a pretty hilarious 2-part story.

Unfortunately, women still have to think more defensively than men — because men can be aggressive assholes.  But everytime I read about this paranoia, it’s always some group of dudes in pajamas kicking each other in the balls.

Let’s find a little balance people — all of this self-defense is more about propoganda (the prison industrial complex relies on your fear).  Have some trust — not everyone is out to get you.  Well, according to the stats maybe your friends and family are — but strangers are certainly not as dangerous as the people you know.

Keep that in mind next time you go out and get a table with your back to the door. The safe play is to keep your eyes on the people who are sitting with you.  They are the real killers.

Ain’t that right, honey? (The wife’s motto is death before divorce– and we all know she is talking about my death, not hers).

Update 2024:

I originally wrote this story in 2019 (check the publish date — I’m not lying). But in the aftermath of the aftermath of the pandemic, it seems like it fits even better now.

Sure crime plummeted during the pandemic. Hard to crime in a lockdown. And yes it spiked when the doors opened up again and people were still wearing a lot of masks. But murder and violent crime and shop lifting are all dropping in 2023 and 24. Except for mass shootings — those just keep on climbing, but that’s a topic for another day.

In the meantime, the odds of getting hurt or robbed by strangers are as low as they have ever been. Don’t let fear fuck up your day.