Here’s a rant that will clear the table at any dinner party:   Abortion and fucking religion. (This is why I only get invited to Savage parties — nobody wants to listen to this bullshit).

Specifically, I’m talking about the Christian religion.  Let’s start with:

• “My faith tells me” or it’s “my faith” is not a rationale argument for changing someone else’s behavior or imposing your rules on us.
• You don’t like abortion, don’t get one.

But what is especially galling is even if you don’t subscribe to that most American of ideas (Don’t Tread on Me)– even if you really, really believe you are saving as many souls from eternal damnation by imposing your beliefs — you can’t even fucking read.

The bible never says the word “abortion”.  Nor does it use a recognized synomyn for abortion — intentional miscarriage, fetus euthanasia, forced pregnancy termination, or “feticide.” There are some passages that could be even interpreted as supporting abortion.

There’s a lot more details about what it says or does not say from an objective point of view (remember preachers are just trying to get your money, so they have a conflict of interest) here.

Abortion wasn’t even “against the law” for what most the religious refer to as the time we “were given” the Judeo-Christian ethic.  The bible often says life starts at the first “breath”.  Not at conception or even birth. Remember, babies come out, we smack them on the ass and then they “breathe.”

Read your own fucking book, you god damn morons.

Greek Abortion Jokes

And don’t give me that shit that bronze-age goat herders didn’t know abortion existed…  The Greeks knew how to do it, had nicknames for it and Aristophanes even had an abortion joke in his play, Peace  (which takes place during a War — and even makes fun of a recently killed war hero — in case you think offensive or edgy comedy is new…).  All that was 400 years before christ.

The bible writers knew it existed but never wrote about god smiting an abortionist… or some other shitty parable about genocide by “fire and brimstone” or stoning an  abortionist that’s suppossed to teach us a lesson on how to save babies…

Christian rules about abortion have been complicated.  It’s a fucking complicated subject, so that’s not a surprise.  But even leading thinkers like  Thomas Acquinas followed the notion that the fetus goes through stages: vegetative, animal and rational.  It was not murder if the fetus was removed at vegetative or animal phase.  Sounds eerily familiar to Roe V Wade and trimesters… only written 700 years before.

The first clear record of it being “a sin” came in 1869.  That’s just 150 years ago.  Lots of people live to be 75.  As Joe Rogan often shouts, that’s only “2 people ago.”

This is not some ancient belief that has long been held by your religious culture and ancestors.   This is a made up bullshit that your great-grandmother would be shocked to learn you believe.

So when you say it’s your history and your culture and your belief as a “Christian,” all of that is pure bullshit.  This is a power play that makes you feel “better” by shaming others.  You should be fucking ashamed to say it in pubic.

There’s No Fucking Magic

All that is not to say that I’m personally in favor of Abortion.  It’s a tough decision and a terrible thing for all involved.  Society would be a better place if we could magically make it disappear.

But there’s no fucking magic in this world.  Shit happens. People make mistakes or worse — there are rapists, incestuous assholes and pedophiles who impregnant women (and girls) on purpose.

I also hate that fucking “abstinence” argument.  “Well, you wouldn’t need an abortion if you don’t have sex.”

Abstinence education doesn’t work for shit.  It’s a basic biological need — with emotional and social needs mixed in.  It’s like telling someone they will never get gas if they never eat.

Or you won’t need car insurance if you drive “very carefully” all the time.  You know, If you always pulled out at the right time, you would never get in a car wreck.

Therefore insurance should be illegal… That’s not hyperbole, that’s just applying the same logic to cars as we do to sex.

That doesn’t even get into the hard questions about the health of the baby and the mother.

It’s even harder with new technology making it possible for a fetus to be viable and grow up “normal” from earlier and earlier in the pregnancy.

Freedom and Science

There’s two guideposts on this question: Freedom and Science.

Women must have the freedom to control their own bodies. And the science has to show us when the baby is viable and not a health risk to itself or the mother — and therefore we can restrict that freedom in the interest of the child.

It’s hard to argue removing a viable “child” that is not a health risk to itself or the mother should be allowed.

I’m not going to pretend to have all those answers.  Everyone has to make their own choices, and like the ancient people, we should trust women to make the right choices for themselves.  As for men’s rights? Once you shot your wad into someone else, you made your choice.  It’s her body; it’s her call.

Any rules we impose (like aborting in the 3 months of pregnancy is illegal) must be backed up by evidence, reason and logic — not some bullshit interpretation of a made-up story brought to you by people who thought bacon was evil.

If you made it this far, you have done better than anyone else I’ve ever had over for dinner.  Hope this rant didn’t ruin your meal.