There’s some shit for bloggers called a “Sunshine Award.” It’s for those who exhibit:

• Positivity
• Creativity
• Sunshine

I know what you are thinking… and fuck you I could spread Sunshine…

Ok, ok, the Land Manatee nominated me as a joke.  Thanks dude. I spent hours describing my blog, but I should throw that out — The Land Manatee nailed it in 5 words. It’s about:

 ..."Cynicism, Anger, and Petty Feuds"...

In my defense, I would only add a few adjectives — it’s about:

• Overblown Cynicism
• Fake Anger
• Fictional Petty Feuds

Hence, the “Bullshit” tag.

For the Sunshine nomination, there are rules.  I will follow a few of them.

The Rules:

• Thank the blogger who nominated you.
• Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you.
• Nominate new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 (or just 3 if you are lazy) new questions.
• List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award in your post/or on your blog.
• Notify the nominees about it by commenting on one of their blog posts.

Here’s the questions The Land Manatee asked me.

1. What would your dream job be and why?

Retirement.  I liked being a journalist, teacher, instructional designer, product manager and now the operations guy, but I don’t fucking dream about it.  I dream about having enough money to sleep till noon, drink beer and wine at lunch and travel at will — you know — retirement.

2. How would you describe your perfect day?

Wake up when I feel like it — whether it’s 7 a.m. or noon.  Feeling great (a rarity these days).  Go play tennis with the Pendejos or the fucked-up tennis team from Tucson, or the elderly in Gilbert.  But let’s go far away from the Third World Racquet Club —  San Diego or Pinetop will do.  Drink and laugh and talk shit for a few hours.  Come home and nap with the Bear.  And then we go to comedy show.

3. What inspires or influences you as a writer or blogger?

I was originally inspired by Lewis Black and his Rant is Due.  He reads rants from the audience.  He read three of mine.  I got the vicarious thrill of making a theater full of people laugh without the fear of having to stand up and talk in front of people.  Now I just imagine people virtually  laughing at my Bullshit — and that’s enough.

4. If you decided to move to a new country or city, where would you want to live and why?

I’d permanently join the LJBTC community.

5. What famous person or celebrity at any point in history would you like to meet and what would you want to talk about or ask that person?

I would like to meet Lewis Black and thank/curse him for getting me started on this Bullshit.

6. In what fundamental way have you changed over the years?

Regular readers of my Bullshit will be shocked, but I’m a lot less angry and competitive. Can you imagine?  I’m also less social, less anxious and have quadrupled my “I-don’t-give-a-fuck quotient.”

7. What do you like about your writing and what frustrates you?

I sometimes make myself laugh.  Maybe it’s hard for readers to tell, but I usually end up making fun of myself for getting pissed in the first place.  That’s kind of the point and what I like about my Bullshit.

I get a little frustrated when the words won’t go together, or there’s too much “fluff” between the funny.  But I’m not taking the time to edit and rewrite or throw out the bad shit.  If I was getting paid for this, I’d try to make it better.

8. What advice would you give to someone who wants to start a blog or be a writer?

I’m not really a writer.  I’m just an angry typist.  So take this for what it is worth…

• Don’t use Wix.  That shit sucks.
• Schedule time to type every week and try to stick to your schedule.

9. What is a pet peeve of yours?

I’ve listed more than 220 of them on this blog.  Way too fucking many to list here. But it goes from unfinished cookies through douchebag millennials to old men talking about sex.

10. What’s your favorite book, movie or TV show and why? (answer any of them you feel like)

I don’t really have a “favorite”.  I will say the book Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell had a powerful impact on me when I was 22.  It convinced me there is no nobility in poverty.  I rejoined the working world, met the Bear.  And I’ve been doing both for 35 years.

11. If you were to be sent back in time — at least more than 75 years ago — when and where would you want to be sent to and why? Would you be an observer or a participant?

I’d rather go forward in time — I know enough history to know that it all sucks.  Things have never (or rarely) been as good as they are now for almost anybody in a modern nation.

But if I had to choose, I’d pick being a citizen of Rome between 300-50 BCE.  Caesar and Jesus fucked up that civilization, but it would have been good to be part of the Roman Republic.  I have no fucking idea how you would remain an “observer” — but if we have to go back for good, better to be a participant.

My nominees

I’m breaking the rules on “no backsies”  and picking the Land Manatee (now you have to do all this shit over again — you homework assigning bastard).

• The Land Manatee: Sometimes funny; always interesting
• Oh For Fuck’s Sake (@RantsandSwears): Sometimes funny; sometimes emotional and personal; always honest and compelling.
• Out and Abouter:   funny; always making a point with satire; frequently clever with language, spelling and names — especially for a fucking canadian.
• Office Thermostat : Making the ordinary ridiculous and consistently funny.
• No Where Tribune : I don’t always agree with him, but he is always agreeable and fun to read.
• I Could Be Wrong: Political stories with some thoughfut conclusions that are often backed by evidence, data and research… But this lazy shit doesn’t publish often.  Too busy on his Squatty Potty I suppose.
• Being and Niceness:  For such a banal title, there is a surprising deep fountain of philosophy and clear thinking. It will sometimes make you think; always make you smarter.

My questions for my nominees

Jesus fucking Christ on a cross, 11 is way too many fucking questions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wpx6XnankZ8

So answer me, these questions three:

1. What gives your life meaning and purpose?
2. Why do you waste your time on a blog (other than the narcissism and babyish need for attention)?
3. What makes you laugh/feel good?