Drop that Swiffer

Some old white guys hate taxes and never want to fund government research.  Some old white guys are fucking idiots.

After I hit 55, I found my favorite study by four female authors.  It came from the “European Urology.com“.

“Men who ejaculate 21 or more times per month are 28 percent less likely to get prostate cancer.”

You gotta fucking love science.  Especially science out of Europe.  Where women really want to know how often men need to have sex.

Now we have the answer — at least 5 times a week.

In a just world, this kind of information would have a profound effect on dating and marriage — well maybe not dating…

But marriage — we need some radical shifts.  You are not only marrying the man (and his entire family) but you’ve got some responsibilities for his prostate and his balls.

I’m not saying women must keep an almost daily schedule for multiple decades.

But in a true partnership, let’s shoot for at least half.  You know, step up and take charge of the ejaculation at least 3 times a week — for the next 50 years or so.  That’s right, you are gonna earn those rings and that big wedding.

First let’s update those vows.  I say we change:

  • “To have and to hold from this day forward…”
  • To:
  • “To squeeze with your hands and all of your holes for at least 3 days a week…”

It would probably sound better in Latin, but you get the idea.

It’s that or cancer ladies.  Do you love your man or not?

Make the Time

Sure, you say, who has that kind of time.

I’ve got some suggestions, and again the answer comes from science.  Despite all the modern cleaning appliances, women spend more time than ever on “cleaning.”

This survey said women spend 30 minutes a day on “interior cleaning.”

Much of that 30 minutes is spent on what people hate the most — wiping and dusting.  And yes women still spend more than twice as much time cleaning as men. You know why?  Because men don’t give a shit.

Nobody really looks at your ceiling fan or the top of your bookcases, but we will all see if your man ends up at the Cancer Center…

Let’s get our priorities straight.

So I say, make the world a happier place and do your best to fight cancer.

  • Buy a roomba and use your vacuuming skills on your husband
  • Skip cleaning the oven and spend a little time on your hands and knees with your man
  • And drop that swiffer and grab that schlong.

HH-swiffer-1

Science is the best use of tax dollars ever…

8 thoughts on “Drop that Swiffer

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