Bullshit Branding

I know they are trying to be helpful and sell me a little something I might need, but these god damn articles about “marketing” a blog just sound fucking stupid when applied to this “Bullshit.”

I can only pity the fool that would  “market” this mess.  Let me get the editor’s pen and help them just a little bit.  We are going to save some words and try to make sense out of WordPress marketing bullshit.

Brand


5 keys components of to brand identity

Branding encompasses a few key visual elements that work together.

1. Tone

What’s the your voice? of your brand ? Is it fun and playful or corporate and serious, or petty and angry (bordering on criminal)? Using a consistent tone with visual and text elements establishes the mood of your business. bullshit.

2. Visual style

Look at your brand materials — do they have a consistent look to them  would any sane person every choose this look or did it come from a monkey in a mental institution? A visual style makes a brand identifiable even without the name present. This includes using Use the same types of imagery, such as photos versus illustrations or a distinct palette of fonts, colors, and design elements. Or go for a ransom note of flavors just to scare the shit out of any children who might find your URL by mistake.

3. Copy and language

When your brand communicates with customers, does it always sound the same? Using common  dirty words, phrases, insults, and fucked-up language throughout your communication creates an this sense of identity. Make sure to use powerful words that will resonate with your target audience. Sprinkle in plenty of “fucks, bullshits and assholes”, or your rants will read like the diary of an 8th grade girl.

4. Color

It would be difficult to find someone who doesn’t  Everyone knows what “Starbucks green”. The color is as much a part of the coffee company’s brand as is its name. Create a custom color palette and use it religiously,  like Father Clemmens uses those altar boys — including for your website bullshit theme. May we suggest diarrhea gray on an ashen-skin background?

5. Logo

A good logo is something that represents your business, is easy to understand, and creates a lasting impression on people who see it. It’s the thing that you what you want people to see in their minds when your brand is mentioned. It will appear on everything from business cards to packaging to your website  bullshit site.  Pick a random free clip art photo of outdated technology to show you are old, hateful and want to beat big tech with a stick.  That will attract the only people who can relate to your rants.


There, there. much better.

What are they trying to get me to buy again?

After cleaning up all their bullshit, I can’t remember what bullshit they are trying to sell me, so I can “sell” my bullshit to the world.

4 thoughts on “Bullshit Branding

  1. The WordPress Bot obviously doesn’t scan for content quality. However if you’re totally reliant on people searching for lawn fertilizer, fat-fingering and one insane pisssed off old fuck (LB) selling your virtual bullshit from your micro-island of excrement you have reached your marketing apex

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think it must be driven by some program someone wrote. I get them too, and why the hell should I care? I write because I feel like it and that’s that. Honestcharlie

    On Sat, Nov 16, 2019 at 7:13 AM Kieran’s Bullshit Humor wrote:

    > Kieran posted: “I know they are trying to be helpful and sell me a little > something I might need, but these god damn articles about “marketing” a > blog just sound fucking stupid when applied to this “Bullshit.” I can only > pity the fool that would “market” this mess” >

    Like

  3. Yeah, I was just having a little fun cutting down on their verbal garbage and directly applying it to just my bullshit. Everybody’s got to make a living, but it seems like it would be easy to make this marketing bullshit better.

    Like

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