I’m not one of these nuts that wants to spread the virus or let grandparents die to “save” the economy. All these deaths from Covid-19 are preventable, and we should do everything we can to save each person.
But now is a good time for a little perspective.
A bunch of Americans die from bullshit every year.
Smokers, fat people, drinkers, people driving, having sex, and taking drugs die needlessly every year. Don’t get me started on guns and suicides…
In 2020, that infectious disease number might shoot past drinking too much and may catch being fat or even surpass the few dumb asses who are still smoking. But these are numbers we live with every year.
We can’t just watch the news now, and freak the fuck out. We are going to survive this. Like car wrecks or cancer, it sucks and it will kill some of us. But we all live with these kinds of risks every day. It’s what makes life precious.
While we hide in our homes and wait this shit out, turn off the news. You can watch a little, don’t be an ignoramus…. But put your guilt on a shelf and feel free to click on Netflix.
I thought that was great advice until I did it… and looked under “trending.”
What the fuck is wrong with you people — “Outbreak” and “Pandemic” were the “most popular” choices. Those are not documentaries you dumb shits. You are not getting tips on how to survive from Dustin Hoffman and Morgan Freeman. Those two are at the tops of the high-risk group in 2020.
Like the news, change the channel. It’s not entertaining to watch a world that looks too much like ours go down the shitter.
This is the time for escapist bullshit. There’s not as much evidence as there should be, but laughing is good for you. It reduces stresses, improves breathing and lowers your blood pressure. It might even tone flabby tummies. Jolly fat people can do much crunches than a depressed skinny fuck any day.
Some people say attempts at humor make things worse for them, but fuck those people. Now is the time we need to laugh the most.
So put away your political correctness and your concerns about offending people or looking like an asshole because you laugh while others are suffering.
There are always people suffering somewhere on earth — pandemic or not. Wallowing in pity is not going to help them.
So when you have done what you can through work or the shit you support — take a fucking break.
Watch Dave Chappelle, Kathleen Madigan or Ron White. Or find someone or something you think is funny. You know me and Lewis Black. Hell, I even like Joey Diaz, but he’s not for all of you “cocksuckers.”
It’s still not so bad that I can stomach a full helping of “Dumb and Dumber” — that piece of shit is for the apocalypse only.
This pandemic is far from the apocalypse. Over the next 5 years, it probably won’t even be able to keep up with preventable deaths through drinking… I’m not quitting the booze any time soon.
So find a way to make yourself and others laugh during a pandemic… it will eventually make us all feel better.
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Categories: Covid-19
1) Forrest Gump 2) Fellowship of the Ring 3) The “Gru” movies (I am ztealinz” ze’ Moon!!!) – actually any number of animated movies are great
Watching Tiger King on Netflix — not cutting it.
Fuck you, Kieren, having sex is not a “preventable” form of death, it is intentional, or at least it will be for me. I am hoping to die having sex. Yes, it may be cliche but it is the way … I’m gonna croak after spuuging my nuts and, yeah, there will be a big smile on my face. Yeah Baby Yeah!!😂
I hope the goat figures out how to get out from under your bloated carcass.
Yeah, no thanks on the pandemic movies.
Being an introvert, I haven’t noticed much difference in my life yet, other than they’re closing the grocery store early and making me shop during the day with other people. I’ve been training for this pandemic my whole life.
me too – sort of. Screws up beer and wings after tennis — but that’s it so far.
Gomer Pyle, your fat ass isn’t going to get any skinnier so you may as well watch “Full metal jacket” and call it a day. You had to know this suggestion was coming by mentioning movies to escape from from the daily onslaught of news.
I forgot all about you kangaroo-face. Trying not to watch the murder and mayhem movies right now. But for you, I’ll make an exception next weekend.
No, “Full metal jacket” is a comedy, remember? That’s what you told Lewis Black.
I told him you are the only guy who believes Full Metal Jacket is a comedy… You should know by now, just believing something, doesn’t make it real. Ask our little friend Jesus.
100%. Was feeling shit today until a funny segment on radio made me laugh my bollocks off. I felt so much better after*
*not lighter though, thankfully it was only a metaphor
Good luck. I’ve heard it’s hard to find the wild bollocks once they are “off”.
The Jesus that occasionally plays on our tennis team yes, the real Jesus no. You can deny gravity jumping off the sears tower and be fine all the way down until you hit the ground. It has nothing to do with believing or not believing. A search for the the truth like the atheist Lee Strobel did decades ago can make all the difference in the world.
You are drunk again. “The real Jesus” is probably my favorite new joke. Hilarious.