Ignorance can be bliss.

I wish I had never learned the “breed” name for my little pandemic puppy.

They said she was a mix of Chihuahua and Dachshund.  They also said she was 14 weeks old —  the vet told us she was more like 6-7 months.  So much for hoping this 7.5-pound, tiger-stripped pup would outgrow a cat.

The Bear and I will be able to pack a few pounds on her (like we do everything we touch) but “Killer Carol Fucking Baskins” will probably never be big enough to jump on our bed by herself.  Jesus.

The Bear is ordering stairs from Amazon.  Embarrassment every night.

My sister dropped off a “dog purse”. Humiliation in a bag.

I had no idea this was a planned mix.  I had imagined a horny dachshund tunneling  under a fence to reach his little Mexican beauty.  Don’t know why I imagine the Chihuahua was the female, but it makes me feel better.

But feeling better is bullshit.  This is a planned connection. The male may not have even been in the room. Yep, some people make a living jerking off pure-breed dogs.

They call the blend: “Chiweenie.”

I can’t live with that.

“Chiweenie” sounds like Geno’s nickname for Pussy Joe’s penis.

Geno and Joe have married or “date” women and claim not to be an old, gay couple. But they make more homo jokes than Will and Grace, and have been bitching about each other for 30 years.  Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more.

I feel a lot better with some of the other nicknames I found for “Chiweenie” on the google.

• Weeniehuahua
• German Taco
• Mexican Hot Dog

Mexican hot dog really fits for Tucson. First, don’t tell Marco that nickname.  He has his own 100-pound dog. Marco and that dog both love to eat Mexican Hot Dogs from the cart on Alvernon Road.

Tucson was also home to the Mexican Hot Dog extortion case.  I’d rather my pup be labeled an extortionist than strapped to a purse.

When the Bear told me about the “Chiweenie” title, I made up my own: “Dach-hau-hau.”

Google says, “Dach” in German is top or roof.

“Huahua” in Spanish is a jug, a bus or a baby.  A lot of range for one word.  But I understand it.  When you finish the jug, you won’t remember how you had a baby, but it feels like you have been run over by a bus.

Hauhau covers the whole story.

I’m going with Dach-hau-hau equals “Top Baby.”  Because this little puppy is the top baby in my life right now. Sorry son, who knew you were so easy to replace.