Sex and Gender

Porn in their pockets

Old people often look back on their youth as a simpler time.  That’s bullshit. Life was complicated as soon as we dropped out of the trees and walked across the savannah on our hind legs.

There’s always complicated and conflicting messages that every child has to conquer:

  • be an adult, but stay child like
  • be sensitive, but don’t be a fool
  • be strong, but don’t hurt anyone
  • be romantic, but don’t patronize

But this newest generation has a whole new set of bullshit to wade through. I’m talking about kids so young I don’t think there is a name for them.

Douchebag millennials are pushing 30.

Gen Z is getting out of high school.  I’m talking about 10-15 year olds.  Born after the Great Recession into a world of screens — TV’s, computers, iPads and phones. Everything in the world at their finger tips.

Old enough to know about changing definitions of gender, “Me Too” and watching TV commercials full of contraceptive devices and dick pills.  Old enough to know that their parents and grand-parents are probably useless when it comes to the new rules of romance.

Hell from what I have read these latest generations have largely checked out on “dating.” Using the apps to meet and have a lot less sex. Spending a lot more time with their phones and smoking pot than procreating. Don’t worry, they will figure it out.

But this younger set — just stepping out of childhood — are walking around with porn in their pockets.

porn-in-pockets

Stole image from this article.  I don’t agree with the premise, but it makes a point.

Any 12-year-old-boy can whip out his phone and in 3 seconds pull up any kind of sick pic or video to satisfy even the strangest of the semi-adult sexual peccadillos that get the most “likes” on porn hub.

I had a hard enough time trying to hide my spontaneous erections in the 7th grade when walking from math to social studies class.  I can’t imagine how current junior high boys deal with that when they could spend the whole period staring at fake boobs.

Or what’s a 12-year-old supposed to do with all the “step-brother” and “step-sister” porn videos.  Porn has to be on an endless search for the taboo.  Sex really hasn’t changed in millions of years.  But every year, the porn industry has to crank out hours and hours of “new stuff” that will pull in the lonely and the horny.

So every year it gets weirder and weirder.

I’m not for censorship.  Blocking information and images from large groups of people never “works” for long.  It just creates a thirst for rebellion and builds mistrust from those who feel denied and lied to.

I’d be all for good sex education that includes changing gender roles, fairness, kindness, more than consent, and clear communication.  But that shit gets blocked by the religious, the squeamish and the prudes.  In my nearly 60 years in America, I’ve only seen more and more limits on what can be taught and what can be shared “for the good of the children.”

I used to think maybe we should leave that role to parents. But after watching my siblings and my child’s generation grow up — parents suck.

If we have learned anything from Covid-19 and “The Quarantine”, it’s that most parents are much worse at teaching than we could have imagined.  If you can’t do a descent job with the 8 parts of speech, how the hell can you explain the Karma Sutra.

We could do better as a society.  We can pay professionals to help our kids learn the rules — figure out fantasy from reality — and find the balance in all the conflicting messages they get from all parts of society.

Raising kids is an old game.  If it makes parents feel better, remember that 90 percent of rats are successful parents too*.  If you define success as bringing in a new generation that creates their next generation.  Rats are not slowing down their procreation because their apps are getting better.

But humans can do a hell of a lot better.  We can find clearer ways and better examples to show our kids.  We can set better examples in how we act.  And we can make a world fairer, safer and more equal for all even when almost every kid is walking around with porn in their pockets.


*Shamelessly stole the “rats” as successful parents line from George Carlin

 

 

 

Categories: Sex and Gender

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8 replies »

  1. We can always do better when it comes to kids. But I’ve found the best education is a self-education. Any kid who really wants to figure things out had better crack open some educational books and start studying, in my view. They can’t rely on adults to thoroughly and accurately explain things to them.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Agree… but you need both. Someone has to point out the “good books” and not just the trash you find on the internet. When it comes to “social skills” they are almost impossible to learn on your own through reading. Home school. Critical thinking is really important, but we need a shared set of definitions and directions that we can criticize and improve.

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  3. We have two boys, 14 and 12. My mind boggles when I think about what they have access to. We try to teach then right from wrong and have had a number of awkward conversations but I can’t help think how horny I was in my teens and what I would have been like!

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  4. I vacillate between believing we have it in us to do better – and are doing so!- and hoping for a catastrophic meteor hit because human beings are fucking awful and it’s all so hopeless.

    I homeschooled my kids to adulthood and one good thing about doing so was that it gave them good critical thinking skills. So even with the porn and other nonsense , they have their own minds and have been trusted to use them. They made mistakes for sure but I see the positive effects of it working in them still, at 22 and 27.
    I think as parents we can only do so much. We only have so much control and influence. And there are so many other complex factors at play too. We don’t all get to parent in the same playing field with the same abilities. All we can do, is do our best with the tools and knowledge that we have at the time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • True dat. Social skills are hard to learn in every context and some people always struggle with them (like yours truly)… I wonder if every previous generation had the same feeling (things seem to be getting better but the meteor may be the only solution). Seems so based on all the “end times” prophecy in every culture.

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  5. At any stage of life it’s hard to picture being in another… Glad my parenting days are over. The wife can’t wait to grandparent — I can be patient.

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