I was about 11 when the family wagon rolled into Eau Claire. I was probably the first and last person to have a life-changing event there.
Some men show love and affection through jewelry and flowers. Some men buy houses and cars.
I showed my love through eating.
It hadn’t rained in Tucson for 50 days and 50 nights. The first time it did, my fucked up tennis friends “ran away” like they were being chased by a killer rabbit.
My little witness-protection friend may have to change his nickname. His “real” name is Ed Vegas — or so he says, but how many “Venezuelans” have the last name Vegas?
That’s the US Marshal’s office laughing their ass off as they make fake names for each Colombian drug lord they turn.
These goddamn pendejos from Tucson have taken body shaming to a whole fucking new level.
This time we were renting a few days with the 1% in the LJBTC community. Fuck Disneyland, the LJBTC is the happiest place on earth.
It had been a long day and a half in a crowded room listening to stories about work while not getting any work done. I couldn’t wait to head over to Hooters.
It had been built in our imaginations like a combination of Camelot and Plato’s Retreat. It was the first Hooters in the state — newly opened in downtown Phoenix.
I have a lot of political opinions, but I don’t do much about them. I vote. But I don’t protest, I don’t donate to political causes very often, I don’t volunteer.
I’m suspicious of all groups. I’m not “a joiner”, and I really kinda hate people. But I finally found a political movement I can get behind: Free the Nipple.
Phoenix, Arizona, where mighty rivers go to die.
Phoenix is a giant sandy sponge that soaks up all the fresh water from 5 states. The Salt and Verde rivers bring water from northern Arizona and New Mexico and run dry 30 miles short of Phoenix. The underground aquifers of the Santa Cruz, Gila, Agua Fria and New rivers drift into the Valley of the Sun.
This crazy lady I met on the internet asked if I would write something for her blog. Unlike all the other lifestyle and recipe blogs, she rants and swears with the best of them. Unlike my bullshit, there’s a lot more to her stuff than just anger and insults.
So, I could only hope to put some bullshit together that would fit on her page. And sadly this is the best I could do.
You can read it on her page:
Well, well, looky who volunteered to captain our fucked-up tennis team this season: Julian, the ODM (Original Douchebag Millennial). We didn’t even get to start the first match before the fucking universe brought down a cloud of karma on his head. Fellow douchebag, Sherwin, bailed out of the […]
Just like Trump running to Putin, this season one of the fucked up players on my tennis team went running to a bunch of “wanna be” winners. I was told “Traitor McGee” (not his real name, but close enough) wrote “a really nice note” on his way out […]
Remember when Spring Break was fun? Mexico, Daytona Beach..
Look down when you are leaving the bar at the 3rd world racquet club — one of these steps is not like the others. It’s blonde and has a slightly different pattern
The competitive drunks who conned me into a Texas trip last year, invited me for a weekend in the mountains. I was the first one to say “yes.” My bowels have been giving me shit ever since.
I hate just about everything that is fucking PC, but in the past few weeks I’ve learned to really like “micro-aggressions.” I plan to use a lot of them at parties and family gatherings. Since most of my friends are older than dirt, I’ve had to explain micro-agressions […]