Shit online teachers say
The echos of 7th grade math have been reverberating through my house for the past 2 months.
Useless readers
“Ohh Jesus, I can’t see it. Can you?” Sugar Mama asked as she held her phone as far away from her scrunched up face as possible.
Facebook Bullshit
For the four people who found this blog through Facebook, you may have noticed a change. No longer is my Facebook page called Kieran’s Bullshit.
Facebook called bullshit on Kieran’s Bullshit.
WordPress – cheese movers
Just when I was getting used to the new shittyness of the WordPress block editor – they fucked up the scheduler.
Feeding my face
I got a new iPhone with face recognition. Now my Twitter feed is fucking with me.
My own hero
I’ll bet you didn’t know, but I’m a fucking hero. I’m saving the ocean with every stupid search on the Google I make.
Crushing PayPal
PayPal is no friend of mine. I’ve been banned. I “knew too much.”
Saving the Salton Sea
I sometimes worry about my mental health. I’m lying in bed and I get these manic ideas of social research about spatial awareness or even how to save the world. You know bullshit theories.
This is a good one.
X-Games — X is for extortion
Email: Subject Line: [My favorite password]
Holy fucking shit, I’ve been hacked.
Sailing
I always wanted to be a sailor — owning my own little boat.
The Bear would never let me.
Recycling is Bullshit
The Bear was so fucking proud of the “campaign” she created for her 6th grade class using “Recycle Michael,” a tin-man like character made from “recyclables.”
…I don’t have the heart to tell her that recycling is bullshit.
Un-consensual Updates
No means no goddamnit. But not at Apple.
Aywaska U — Updated
Please stop trying to expand my mind. Maybe it’s just me, but every where I turn people are talking about psychedelics like I’m doing something wrong because I haven’t tripped balls with a Peruvian Guru.
Shaman, sorry, Peruvian fucking shaman.
Totalitarian Tech
George Orwell got it slightly wrong. Big Brother is not a totalitarian political dictator, he’s the tech nerd trying to “make your life better.”
We know Facebook and Google make their money selling data about us. There’s billions in knowing who you are, who you know, what you do and where you go.
Post-Op Bullshit
The surgeon looked at me with the kind of disgust one saves for making sure the cockroach is dead before you throw it in the trash.
“What do you mean it still hurts?” he said. “You had a leaf tear and I smoothed it all out.”
