Fat Biker: Animal Control

Being a fat biker (pedaling not Harley) with no pigment leaves me little choice.  I have to ride at night or risk Satan's kisses (sunburn all over).  I'm a night person anyway. I put on two motorcycle power headlights, a flashing red tail light and head out once the sun turned off.

Fat Biker: Wheel Suckers

Most cyclists are your basic MAMIL's (middle-aged men in lycra) -- you know harmless, masochistic skinny fucks who enjoy burning muscle pain and oxygen deprivation.  But occasionally out of a pack of MAMIL's, one douchebag will pop up like burnt toast.  There's a few different types of douches, but the worst is the wheel-sucker.