Category: Fat Biker

It ain’t easy to be fat in the wheeled-world of the skinny fucks.

Fat Biker: A hill grows in Gilbert

By Kieran on September 28, 2021 • ( Leave a comment )

In the flat land, a bike overpass is king. Gilbert Az just crowned it’s new “bridge” for bikes and people over the railroad tracks just west of “downtown.”

Rate this:

Fat Biker: Fatter Biker

By Kieran on April 20, 2021 • ( 3 Comments )

I never thought it would happen to me. Riding on the flat dirt path next to a canal, I got passed — by an even fatter biker.

Rate this:

Fat Biker: The Wire

By Kieran on February 19, 2021 • ( 9 Comments )

“I bought this bike, so I could ride it. I don’t want to learn how to fix it.”

Rate this:

Got Milk?

By Kieran on February 9, 2021 • ( 12 Comments )

Just try to hold your breath when cycling past the dairy farm — I fucking dare you. It can’t be done.

Rate this:

Fat Biker: ducks are dicks

By Kieran on December 2, 2020 • ( 9 Comments )

Ducks should run like chickens. But not the fucking gaggle on the Western Canal bike path south of Baseline Road in Mesa, Az.

Rate this:

Fat Biker: Screwed — updated

By Kieran on October 27, 2020 • ( 3 Comments )

I was as happy as a school girl on heroin pedaling through a residential neighborhood in San Diego — when I got screwed. Hundreds of times. That’s how many drywall screws were lying about the bike lane pointing every which way. Gray screws against gray pavement. Almost impossible […]

Rate this:

Fat Biker: Fast Runner

By Kieran on July 23, 2020 • ( 6 Comments )

One of the few joys of road biking is dominating the bike lane — easily passing runners, beach cruisers and mountain bikes.

Rate this:

Fat Biker: fear the fart

By Kieran on June 25, 2020 • ( 11 Comments )

I’ve spent thousands on a good bike. Hundreds on shoes and clothes. I spent $1.29 on a snickers bar that fucked up a perfectly good ride.

Rate this:

Last Dance for Lance

By Kieran on June 23, 2020 • ( 24 Comments )

Covid-19 has forced us to replace sports with documentaries about sports. Kills time, but fucks up the betting.

ESPN played “The Last Dance”, Michael Jordan’s ode to himself, and 30 for 30’s series on Lance Armstrong practically back-to-back.

Rate this:

Fat Biker: Numb Nards

By Kieran on June 2, 2020 • ( 9 Comments )

Covid-19 Quarantine has sent many of us scurrying back to our bicycles.

Some for the first time since childhood. I see them on the bike paths, wearing a T-shirt and jeans shorts with no pads, gears squeaking from the spider webs they didn’t bother to wipe, and weaving all over the road like drunks.

Rate this:

Fat Biker: Horse’s Ass

By Kieran on May 21, 2020 • ( 8 Comments )

Put tires on my road bike that are 3 millimeters wider (25 to 28 mm), so I could ride on a little dirt. What did I get? A berating from two “expert” trail users.

Rate this:

Fat Biker: Passing M&M’s

By Kieran on April 23, 2020 • ( 4 Comments )

I don’t want to admit how many tens-of-thousands of dollars I have spent on road bikes in the past decade. But in this pandemic, worth every fucking penny.

Rate this:

Fat Biker: E-Bikes

By Kieran on April 2, 2020 • ( 11 Comments )

I was struggling to get up Las Sendas when these four 70-something, fat ass, snowbirds from Michigan floated past me like they were riding on a cloud.