Category: Phoenix Fables

Phoenix, Arizona is a new city, but it’s one of several “homes” to my Bullshit.

Shit online teachers say

By Kieran on March 16, 2021 • ( 2 Comments )

The echos of 7th grade math have been reverberating through my house for the past 2 months.

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Fat Biker: ducks are dicks

By Kieran on December 2, 2020 • ( 9 Comments )

Ducks should run like chickens. But not the fucking gaggle on the Western Canal bike path south of Baseline Road in Mesa, Az.

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Fat Biker: Horse’s Ass

By Kieran on May 21, 2020 • ( 8 Comments )

Put tires on my road bike that are 3 millimeters wider (25 to 28 mm), so I could ride on a little dirt. What did I get? A berating from two “expert” trail users.

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COW Surprise

By Kieran on March 3, 2020 • ( 6 Comments )

There are hours (never full days) when I miss being a teacher. Then the Bear tells me “how her day went” and I remember: ohh that shit sucks.

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Chicken Shit Surround Sound

By Kieran on February 25, 2020 • ( 8 Comments )

I’m hoping roosters taste exactly like chicken, because my other neighbor just got a Mother Fucking Rooster.

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Ceiling Stroke

By Kieran on January 21, 2020 • ( 7 Comments )

Did I tell you the Bear had a stroke?

Don’t worry it was long ago, and there are no obvious lasting effects other than (once in a while) she won’t shut up about it.

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Desert fall to winter

By Kieran on January 18, 2020 • ( 7 Comments )

It’s January 18. The sun is shinning, but the air is cool…

Time for fucking fall in Gilbert, Arizona.

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Registered Republican

By Kieran on October 31, 2019 • ( 2 Comments )

You would never know from reading this Bullshit, but I have a secret. I’m a registered Republican in the state of Arizona.

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Forgotten Dad Lessons

By Kieran on July 25, 2019 • ( 13 Comments )

We often forget the impact we have on others. Here’s a little reminder that came from The Boy (now age 29) through Facebook Messenger of what a shitty dad I am.

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Tick, Tock I’m Coming for You — Neighbor

By Kieran on July 23, 2019 • ( 2 Comments )

I’m infesting my Gilbert, Az, neighborhood like lime disease or rabies.

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Volleybrawl — sort of

By Kieran on May 7, 2019 • ( 7 Comments )

I tried to play volleyball, once. Nearly, got my nose broken (by the Bear) and almost got in a different fight.

It was early in our relationship. Shortly after I ate the tamale husks to impress the Savages.

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Headbutt

By Kieran on April 11, 2019 • ( 9 Comments )

As a parent, there are a few moments when you don’t know whether to be pissed or to be proud.

Listen to this bullshit, and tell me which I should have been.

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Iris LaBonga

By Kieran on March 26, 2019 • ( 8 Comments )

I have never trusted birds — useless fucking things that just mock us with their ability to swoop down on our heads. But years ago something happened that changed my mind.

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A History of Phoenix

By Kieran on February 12, 2019 • ( 9 Comments )

Phoenix, Arizona, where mighty rivers go to die.

Phoenix is a giant sandy sponge that soaks up all the fresh water from 5 states. The Salt and Verde rivers bring water from northern Arizona and New Mexico and run dry 30 miles short of Phoenix. The underground aquifers of the Santa Cruz, Gila, Agua Fria and New rivers drift into the Valley of the Sun.