You would never know from reading this Bullshit, but I have a secret. I'm a registered Republican in the state of Arizona.
Registered Republican
Category: Phoenix Fables
Forgotten Dad Lessons
We often forget the impact we have on others. Here's a little reminder that came from The Boy (now age 29) through Facebook Messenger of what a shitty dad I am.
Tick, Tock I’m Coming for You — Neighbor
I'm infesting my Gilbert, Az, neighborhood like lime disease or rabies.
Volleybrawl — sort of
I tried to play volleyball, once. Nearly, got my nose broken (by the Bear) and almost got in a different fight. It was early in our relationship. Shortly after I ate the tamale husks to impress the Savages.
Headbutt
As a parent, there are a few moments when you don't know whether to be pissed or to be proud. Listen to this bullshit, and tell me which I should have been.
Iris LaBonga
I have never trusted birds -- useless fucking things that just mock us with their ability to swoop down on our heads. But years ago something happened that changed my mind.
A History of Phoenix
Phoenix, Arizona, where mighty rivers go to die. Phoenix is a giant sandy sponge that soaks up all the fresh water from 5 states. The Salt and Verde rivers bring water from northern Arizona and New Mexico and run dry 30 miles short of Phoenix. The underground aquifers of the Santa Cruz, Gila, Agua Fria and New rivers drift into the Valley of the Sun.
All My Grass is Plastic
It only took 6 years to beat the Nazis. The Odyessey was done in 10. Wimps. It took me 50 years to finally win "the grass wars."
The most fucked-up retirement — ever
You retire to Phoenix from some frozen popsicle like Chicago or Minneapolis or the non-existent god forbid, Canada. So when the days get long, you get the hell out and go home.
My Neighbor's Chicken Shit
I'm not sure when Gilbert, Az started letting roosters live in my neighborhood, but last year some fucking little Foghorn Leghorn moved in almost next door.
