I tried to play volleyball, once. Nearly, got my nose broken (by the Bear) and almost got in a different fight. It was early in our relationship. Shortly after I ate the tamale husks to impress the Savages.
Volleybrawl — sort of
Category: Phoenix Fables
Headbutt
As a parent, there are a few moments when you don't know whether to be pissed or to be proud. Listen to this bullshit, and tell me which I should have been.
Iris LaBonga
I have never trusted birds -- useless fucking things that just mock us with their ability to swoop down on our heads. But years ago something happened that changed my mind.
A History of Phoenix
Phoenix, Arizona, where mighty rivers go to die. Phoenix is a giant sandy sponge that soaks up all the fresh water from 5 states. The Salt and Verde rivers bring water from northern Arizona and New Mexico and run dry 30 miles short of Phoenix. The underground aquifers of the Santa Cruz, Gila, Agua Fria and New rivers drift into the Valley of the Sun.
All My Grass is Plastic
It only took 6 years to beat the Nazis. The Odyessey was done in 10. Wimps. It took me 50 years to finally win "the grass wars."
The most fucked-up retirement — ever
You retire to Phoenix from some frozen popsicle like Chicago or Minneapolis or the non-existent god forbid, Canada. So when the days get long, you get the hell out and go home.
My Neighbor's Chicken Shit
I'm not sure when Gilbert, Az started letting roosters live in my neighborhood, but last year some fucking little Foghorn Leghorn moved in almost next door.
Registered Republican
You would never know from reading this Bullshit, but I have a secret. I'm a registered Republican in the state of Arizona.
Pedestrians in parking lots
Who turns on the stupid switch when people are walking through parking lots? They fucking wander like lemmings across the lane where the goddamn cars go.
Thoughts of the Pigment Impaired
Every time I see some screaming idiot raving about the climate change "conspiracy", why the fuck is it always a whiter than white dude...
