If you are ever feeling fat and old, go to Deadwood, South Dakota in the summer. Look around the casino, walk the streets. In 5 minutes, you will feel a lot fucking better.
The CVS drugstore near my office is clean, efficient, and can fill every imagniable personal need.
It’s fucking amazing. I love it.
Unfortunately, it’s more of a magnet for crime than a two-dollar whore house.
I love Labor Day.
The Fourth of July is bullshit; Christmas perpetuates the Greatest Lie Ever Told; but Labor Day is simple and honest: Let’s take a day off to celebrate that we get to take days off.
My father is 88 years old. His biggest problem in the world is keeping his hometown girlfriend from meeting his traveling girlfriend.
I hate the idea of gun control. It’s the god damn assholes pulling the trigger we have to control.
We often forget the impact we have on others. Here’s a little reminder that came from The Boy (now age 29) through Facebook Messenger of what a shitty dad I am.
If you see me being led away in handcuffs anytime soon, it was just life teaching me another little lesson about me. Here’s my side of the story.
I’d like to extend a heart-felt and giant “fuck you” to the entire health care system for treating us all like children.
Every Monday morning, I’m reminded why I hate Adolf Hitler. The “Never Forget” message is embedded right under my nose.
Since our first summer that we could understand English, we have all been told that the Fourth of July is America’s birthday. Well like Dec. 25 for Jesus, it’s a fucking arbitrary date picked out of their ass by politicians with a marketing agenda.
I’ve got no evidence to prove it, but I’m convinced I almost crushed a woman just to support the patriarchy.
It had been a long day and a half in a crowded room listening to stories about work while not getting any work done. I couldn’t wait to head over to Hooters.
It had been built in our imaginations like a combination of Camelot and Plato’s Retreat. It was the first Hooters in the state — newly opened in downtown Phoenix.
The Bear and I inherited a grand-dog — 12 pounds of a manipulating mutt — and now it seems we can’t go to dinner without her.
Despite dropping rates of violent crime, Americans are ever more paranoid.
The news keeps telling us about murders, home invasions and car jackings… So people adopt this mental defensive crouch like we are Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon. But actual crime rates have been dropping since the 1960’s.
I always thought “comfort animals” were bullshit –until I saw one last week in San Francisco.
Going through airport security is stressful enough, but the lady in front of me was losing her shit.