The Dog’s Dinner
The Bear and I inherited a grand-dog — 12 pounds of a manipulating mutt — and now it seems we can’t go to dinner without her.
Being Defensive
Despite dropping rates of violent crime, Americans are ever more paranoid.
The news keeps telling us about murders, home invasions and car jackings… So people adopt this mental defensive crouch like we are Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon. But actual crime rates have been dropping since the 1960’s.
Who will Comfort this Animal
I always thought “comfort animals” were bullshit –until I saw one last week in San Francisco.
Going through airport security is stressful enough, but the lady in front of me was losing her shit.
Kate and Andy are at it AGAIN
It started with Body Shaming by Kate, then her husband Andy and her friend What’s Her Name shamed my face. What could be fucking be left to make fun of?
My skin.
Free the Nipple — Updated
I have a lot of political opinions, but I don’t do much about them. I vote. But I don’t protest, I don’t donate to political causes very often, I don’t volunteer.
I’m suspicious of all groups. I’m not “a joiner”, and I really kinda hate people. But I finally found a political movement I can get behind: Free the Nipple.
Living on the Crack
We all have our little addictions. Some good, some not so good. For the past decade, I’ve been hooked on the crack.
Fuck Free College
Bernie, AOC and some of the new flaming liberals have a long list of shit they want to change. I’m with them on most of it, but not one — free college.
Fuck Free College. We don’t want a repeat of senior year in high school with bored kids hanging out in the classroom to avoid the working week.
Money is Bullshit
Most of us spend way too much time worrying about it, But at it’s root, money is bullshit.
Diphthong Denea
One of the fucked-up things about playing recreational tennis is away matches.
You have to drive to some other part of town and play on strange courts. And worse, we can’t just walk to the Third World bar to enjoy some popcorn and beer with the resident mice — we are forced to pick a different bar.
Novocaine in the Parking Lot
Waiting for my slot to get my knee surgery, the surgeon was killing time and hung out at my bedside for a while.
That was My God Damn Cookie
Saturday morning there were 3 cookies left — the Savage chocolate chip cookies with just the right amount of crack.
“Those are for you and your brother,” the Bear said. “You figure out how to share them.”
Correcting Your Kids
If another adult “disciplines” your kid, the right response is embarassment — you are raising a little fucker who did something wrong. Just apologize and then shut your mouth.
Free Range Children
Utah, home of the insane 3.2 beer laws, and massive Mormon families has the best law I have heard about this decade. “Free-range children.”
Cut Me, Doc, Cut Me
I know it probably won’t work, but I’m signing up for surgery.
I’ve combined advil and tylenol. I’ve done the physical therapy, the braces and the weird shots of sugar and bacteria — or spun out particles of my own blood.
Left knee got better. Right knee got worse.
Casual Racism at the Post Office
The Bear and I went to get our passports renewed. His nametag said Bob. Bob was efficient, thorough and a mother fucking racist.
