Five Things That Better Fucking Happen in 2019
Let’s make a list of shit that better happen or we go all Yellow Vests like the French.
Whine Killer
Just when I was going to release my perfect whine to earn some free points with the Bear (one of the secrets to a long marriage is the art of sublte manipulation) that got fucked up too.
Face Shaming by Andy and What’s Her Name
Fresh on the heels of my Body Shaming by Kate, her two best “friends” found a way to pick on my face.
The Flight to Fredericton
The bosses said it was a really important trip and they needed “key” people to go. I was really happy they picked me, until I learned “key people” means fucking idiots.
No Towels for You – and Other Tales of the Third World
For most places, the holidays are time to reflect and improve. Not at the Third-World Racquet Club — these are the times when everything goes straight to the shitter.
Body Shaming by Kate
We all have a friend or acquaintance who just blurts out the truth even if they are not thinking about it or even trying. Kangaroo-face Gilbson has been trying
Women Take the Wheel
Here’s to another sex offender on the Supreme Court (move over Clarence, here comes Brett, an even bigger and badder pervert). But even if we voted both of them off the court, it doesn’t fix the bigger issue.
Top 10 Douchebag Millennial Moves
Of all the bad shit the Baby Boom generation has done, the worst is raising all of these fucking douchebag millennials.
I'm in Hot Water — Finally
Every time I try to do something good for the planet, I get screwed.
They
Ran into a person (singular) online who didn’t want to be put in any gender boxes — no he, she, it — uses the pronoun “they.” Hey, I’m all for breaking out
Goodbye Ruby Tuesday
One of the best bullshit stories I ever heard came from Mike Brennan — or at least I’m blaming him for it.
“I met Ruby Tuesday — you know from the Rolling Stones’ song,” Mike may have said – in 1990-something. “He’s my neighbor.”
Spotting Bullshit
When the fuck did Americans get so goddamn gullible? We fall for propaganda like Alan picking internet brides from Asia.
Ginger Hikers
I was a little kid during the Civil Rights Movement, and somehow I always assumed everyone was getting less racist — not more.
Clintocracy
The fucking Democrats can’t punch their way out of a plastic grocery bag.
5 Life Lessons in 2 Minutes
Some people tell me I’m a very “negative person.” First of all, fuck you. Who asked you? And second, you are right
