My father is 88 years old. His biggest problem in the world is keeping his hometown girlfriend from meeting his traveling girlfriend.
It's taken me months to fully admit it... But I can now say I was sexually harassed on a boat in Alaska.
I was just two windows away from my second possible menage-a-trois, and I'm so old, I didn't even turn around to look.
I've got no evidence to prove it, but I'm convinced I almost crushed a woman just to support the patriarchy.
It had been a long day and a half in a crowded room listening to stories about work while not getting any work done. I couldn't wait to head over to Hooters. It had been built in our imaginations like a combination of Camelot and Plato's Retreat. It was the first Hooters in the state -- newly opened in downtown Phoenix.
We were at the Bear's second cousin's wedding in New Mexico when it happened. I drank too much, and said something I thought was funny...
I only have one "sex" story that I used to share in public. I was 16 years old and working at the ghetto grocery store that was a few blocks from my parents' house. One winter night around 9 p.m. I was rounding up the last of the shopping carts in the parking lot. This tiny little rusted out piece-of-shit sedan was a rockin'.
I have a lot of political opinions, but I don't do much about them. I vote. But I don't protest, I don't donate to political causes very often, I don't volunteer. I'm suspicious of all groups. I'm not "a joiner", and I really kinda hate people. But I finally found a political movement I can get behind: Free the Nipple.
One of the fucked-up things about playing recreational tennis is away matches. You have to drive to some other part of town and play on strange courts. And worse, we can't just walk to the Third World bar to enjoy some popcorn and beer with the resident mice -- we are forced to pick a different bar.
It was my niece's wedding, and Shannon is not submitting to nobody, nowhere. She came out of the womb screaming like a banshee, and that screaming for shit didn't stop until she learned how to talk.