Other kids wanted to grow up to be astronauts, firefighters or doctors. I dreamed I was born the second son of a Landed Lord or a Robber Baron and blew the family fortune on booze and broads and bad ideas...
It is not quite "The Boy Named Sue," but Kieran is fucking close enough.
If I was smart, I would have gone to Las Vegas on Sunday. On Saturday, I hit the fucking Rant is Due lottery -- Lewis Black read another of my little stories.
I only have one "sex" story that I used to share in public. I was 16 years old and working at the ghetto grocery store that was a few blocks from my parents' house. One winter night around 9 p.m. I was rounding up the last of the shopping carts in the parking lot. This tiny little rusted out piece-of-shit sedan was a rockin'.
If I had YouTube when I was 12, I could have been a millionaire. My parent's house in Akron, Ohio was full of fucking cats.
Let's be honest in the late 70's, Akron, Ohio was the armpit of the midwest.
I used to be a "professional writer" (small town newspaperman) and a teacher of English (9th grade), so it's fucking hard to admit that I had to repeat English
What do you call that little strip of grass between the sidewalk and the street? If you are from Akron, Ohio, you call it the Devil Strip.
This year was the last time the men's Professional Golf Association will stop in Akron, Ohio. Next year they are moving to Tennessee -- fucking Memphis
Some people tell me I'm a very "negative person." First of all, fuck you. Who asked you? And second, you are right