Oxy Robbery
The CVS drugstore near my office is clean, efficient, and can fill every imagniable personal need.
It’s fucking amazing. I love it.
Unfortunately, it’s more of a magnet for crime than a two-dollar whore house.
Living on the Crack
We all have our little addictions. Some good, some not so good. For the past decade, I’ve been hooked on the crack.
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Spatial Awareness
For two years I have carefully conducted my own survey of spatial awareness…
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Phallic smile
I recently took my 15th final farewell trip to the third world racquet club in Tucson. I learned something that may change the way I look at a small part of life — forever. Once you hear this story, it’s going to mess you up too.
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Correcting your kids
If another adult “disciplines” your kid, the right response is embarassment — you are raising a little fucker who did something wrong. Just apologize and then shut your mouth.
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I'm in Hot Water — Finally
Every time I try to do something good for the planet, I get screwed.
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The Nelson Step
Look down when you are leaving the bar at the 3rd world racquet club — one of these steps is not like the others. It’s blonde and has a slightly different pattern
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Putin and other neighbors
Most of my neighbors are so fucked up I can barely look them in the eye, but the Bear and the boy keep dragging me into conversations with them.
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Happy Birthday — KEVIN
I’m sure you will agree that birthdays are BULLSHIT. You have done nothing to deserve all this. Today, you are just a hairy freeloader forcing a social tax on your friends for food, drinks and gifts. Congratulations — you are now a socialist.
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Dick Move or Nah?
Among the Pendejos we have a split decision on whether Shad should be nominated for a bronze medal in Dick Move of the Year 2021.
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Abandon the Third-World Racquet Club — Updated
After a dozen years of living part time in the Dirty T, right around Christmas, I quit my job — so I’m selling my condo and abandoning the third-world racquet club.
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The Bear is gone; Sugar Mama is here to stay
Turns out the woman who I have referred to as “The Bear” on the internet for the past three years is not an animal at all.
She’s my Sugar Mama… showering me with all of that sweet, sweet teacher money.
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Cold cash for more brew
Jesus wanted our money — but this time it was for a good cause: better brewing from Larry, for fuck’s sake.
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Spouse Shaming by Kate
I bumped into the shaming couple in the third world club the other night. They asked one simple question. They didn’t like my answer.
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Fat Biker: Murderous Drivers
Just because you are wrapped in two tons of steel and plastic doesn’t mean you get to run over anything that slightly annoys you — especially a fat biker just out for a ride.
