Fuck Quiet Tennis
I love playing tennis, but I only “tolerate” watching it. I’d love to be a fan, if I could scream obscenities, dress up like an idiot and bring in…
Your Milkshake Sucks
It was 9:30 p.m. on a Tuesday and a bunch of us had just finished playing tennis in Gilbert — a perfect time for a drink.
Traitor McGee — Updated
Just like Trump running to Putin, this season one of the fucked up players on my tennis team went running to a bunch of “wanna be” winners. I was told “Traitor McGee” (not his real name, but close enough) wrote “a really nice note” on his way out […]
A letter from Kieran to his tennis team — get on the short bus fuckers
I’m thinking of buying a white van and a long rope, so I can get you dumb shits to follow the eternal fucking rules of rec tennis.
Bloody Anti-inflammatory
I can usually have a good night if I can just get my drugs right. It’s not as easy as it sounds.
Head Case
I was denied summer camp as a child. I skipped the college dorm life. For a few years, I filled the camp/dorm fake nostalgia with Newks tennis camp.
Joe Brodsky's Favorite Shot
If I hit some bullshit tennis shot off the net and it falls in for a winner, don’t hold your breath waiting for that pussy little hand wave
Compressing Harassment
I killed way too many brain cells this past weekend with the Tucson Pendejos — again. But between beers (and some new alcoholic shit called the red devil or the red menance) something happened that restored just a little of my faith in humanity. We were all drinking […]
FUCK the USTA — Again
It’s the US Open mother fuckers, time to celebrate tennis. But I just had to go to the uspen.org website and fucking ruin it.
Dry Fit
Tennis players are a bunch of cheap bastards, and for 40 years, I fit right in. But then I made the mistake of taking the Bear to Indian Wells.
Beach BBQ Bingo
One of the reasons people gave me for going to La Jolla last month was to “barbecue on the beach”. What the fuck? Pussy Joe and Patrick (the tallest Pendejo) kept telling me all about the BBQ rules at the La Jolla Beach and Tennis Club. “You can […]
The Quest for Pliny
I’m ashamed to admit I spent 5 fucking days looking for a beer in San Diego. Worse? When I quit trying, the Bear found it in 2 hours…
The Nelson Step
Look down when you are leaving the bar at the 3rd world racquet club — one of these steps is not like the others. It’s blonde and has a slightly different pattern
Meatapalooza Please
The competitive drunks who conned me into a Texas trip last year, invited me for a weekend in the mountains. I was the first one to say “yes.” My bowels have been giving me shit ever since.
Any club that would have me…
There is a club in Tucson Az, where it’s nearly impossible to tell if the members are tennis players or semi-functioning drunks. It’s the only club I have ever joined. 99-percent of tennis clubs in America are full of tea-tea-tottling, upper-class twits who cheat on line calls — […]
