If you are going to have a team, it’s going to need a nickname, a mascot and some fucked up cheers.
The fucking Democrats can’t punch their way out of a plastic grocery bag.
When the fuck did our government get the right to force us to salute a piece of cloth and sing an English drinking song? Apparently it happened this month
A mormon friend told me this story: A mormon man was driving with his new bride in a car decorated “just married.” They cross the Canadian border
My mother’s most famous student — Jeffrey Dahmer, the gay cannibal.
I’m not sure if it’s allergies or the fucking flu, but the last two weeks I pulled a Kafka — a metamorphasis from human being to a 240-pound snot factory.
I feel about dogs the way most people feel about children — I love mine; I don’t give a flying fuck about yours. Until recently, dogs were a part of my life. But after the last dog died, the Boy went to college and I moved to Tucson. […]
Tennis players are a bunch of cheap bastards, and for 40 years, I fit right in. But then I made the mistake of taking the Bear to Indian Wells.
If you love all things synchronized — swimming, rhythm gymnastics, doubles diving… Imagine how wonderful North Korea must be. You should go.
In July, I experimented with being LJBTC. This was my first time, and I have to admit — I liked it. I might do it again next year
Remember when Spring Break was fun? Mexico, Daytona Beach..
The Lying Nazi Bullshit Diesel was really fucking picky about which diesel you put in it. I once stopped at a corner station in Tucson and 3 hours later the Lying Nazi came to a coughing halt.
The dealer said it had “dirty diesel” — like it’s fucking AC/DC (dirty diesel done dirt cheap).
Look down when you are leaving the bar at the 3rd world racquet club — one of these steps is not like the others. It’s blonde and has a slightly different pattern
It’s not that hard to say thank you, but screw it up, and you will be in deep shit. I’m sure there’s a whole gang of half-witted humans angry at me right now for my frequent failures to say “thx“. (I really hate that lazy-ass shortcut for Thank […]
I have a son. He has a name, but I usually just call him “The Boy.”