Let’s start this rant on a topic no one wants to discuss: Abortion and fucking religion. (This is why I only get invited to Savage dinner parties — nobody wants to listen to this bullshit).
Specifically, I’m talking about the Christian fucking religion.
I fucking knew Josh and Angry Ed would not be able to let that go. I would have bet a month’s pay it would be Angry Ed… but it wasn’t.
Please stop trying to expand my mind. Maybe it’s just me, but every where I turn people are talking about psychedelics like I’m doing something wrong because I haven’t tripped balls with a Peruvian Guru.
Shaman, sorry, Peruvian fucking shaman.
After years of physical therapy and anti-inflammatories, followed by months of injections and finally artho knee surgery, I finally found my “miracle”. Cortisone.
The Bear and I inherited a grand-dog — 12 pounds of a manipulating mutt — and now it seems we can’t go to dinner without her.
We were at the Bear’s second cousin’s wedding in New Mexico when it happened. I drank too much, and said something I thought was funny…
There’s more and more research to show that cussing makes you:
Tolerate More Pain
A Better Communicator
Reduce your level of Stress
You know, just a better fucking person than all those stuck up assholes who act all butt hurt when you tell them their religion is bullshit.
I tried to play volleyball, once. Nearly, got my nose broken (by the Bear) and almost got in a different fight.
It was early in our relationship. Shortly after I ate the tamale husks to impress the Savages.
Despite dropping rates of violent crime, Americans are ever more paranoid.
The news keeps telling us about murders, home invasions and car jackings… So people adopt this mental defensive crouch like we are Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon. But actual crime rates have been dropping since the 1960’s.
I once went cycling up a giant mountain with a drug lord from South America.
Sure, sure Angry Ed denies he is, or has ever been, a drug lord. But if ever there was a witness protection name for a cartel double agent, it’s “Ed Vegas.”
It sucks being the only fat man in San Francisco. I was there for work last week squeezed into a conference hotel with a 1000 skinny fucks.
A bunch of vegans and vegetarians with food allergies surrounded me. Even in the few moments when I escaped the hotel, the streets were packed, the restaurants and bars had these tiny chairs and tables stacked on each other like legos.
I always thought “comfort animals” were bullshit –until I saw one last week in San Francisco.
Going through airport security is stressful enough, but the lady in front of me was losing her shit.
George Orwell got it slightly wrong. Big Brother is not a totalitarian political dictator, he’s the tech nerd trying to “make your life better.”
We know Facebook and Google make their money selling data about us. There’s billions in knowing who you are, who you know, what you do and where you go.
You know what is missing from the Bible? Apologies.
According to the google the only thing the fictional god of the bible ever apologized for: creating man.
As a parent, there are a few moments when you don’t know whether to be pissed or to be proud.
Listen to this bullshit, and tell me which I should have been.