The CVS drugstore near my office is clean, efficient, and can fill every imagniable personal need. It's fucking amazing. I love it. Unfortunately, it's more of a magnet for crime than a two-dollar whore house.
Oxy Robbery
Fat Biker: Bugs
How can you spot a happy bikers? Count the bugs in their teeth. I know that's an old terrible joke... but it sort of applies to bicycles too. I've swallowed my share of "free protein" -- especially riding at night.
A Day Without Labor
I love Labor Day. The Fourth of July is bullshit; Christmas perpetuates the Greatest Lie Ever Told; but Labor Day is simple and honest: Let's take a day off to celebrate that we get to take days off.
My Dad’s Girlfriend(s)
My father is 88 years old. His biggest problem in the world is keeping his hometown girlfriend from meeting his traveling girlfriend.
I Can Finally Tell My Truth
It's taken me months to fully admit it... But I can now say I was sexually harassed on a boat in Alaska.
Fat Biker: Attack of the Asthma
For more than half a century I took breathing for granted. Sure I would get out of breath on a mountain climb or a sprint, but then... hit 55 years old and dun, dun, dunnnn: exercise-induced asthma.
2nd Amendment
I hate the idea of gun control. It's the god damn assholes pulling the trigger we have to control.
The 5 most powerful words in English
I went down some fucking rabbit hole on the internet and ended up on this post: The 5 Most Powerful Words in the English Language. I'm calling bullshit on this whole thing.
The Biggest Bullshit Awards
I've been writing this bullshit for two-and-a-half-years. Jesus, I could have had a master's degree by now. In those 30 months, I've gone from 5 to about 8 readers. Following how my god damn generation raised all these douchebags, when you hit 8 participants, it's time to present the participation trophies.
Fucking Parking Lot
I was just two windows away from my second possible menage-a-trois, and I'm so old, I didn't even turn around to look.
