I’ve been married so long, I’m starting to dream that I’m cheating on her… I’m not fucking kidding. Woke up in a hot sweat, half covered with a down blanket and fully wrapped in guilt.
Larry the Cable Guy taught me something on Twitter. I too, am becoming a narrow-minded old fart.
Covid is winding down, but I’ll be fine if you fuckers stay 6 feet away from me.
After finishing the Peace Corp, my brother dropped out of corporate America and became an organic fruit farmer in Washington state. Remember the Hippies and the Yippies? That’s not him.
That’s right, show your vax card, venture out in public, and take off that fucking mask. If you are not vaccinated, lock down, mask up and shut the fuck up.
It took 2 years of reading marketing bullshit for my slow brain to figure out how to see words people googled in order to find this bullshit.
The list was a little surprising:
As a patient, I’ve never got to spend more than about 5 minutes straight with a doctor. Unless I was unconscious and he was cutting something out of my body like my appendix or the soft disc in my lumbar spine. Then maybe I can afford the full hour.
I’m sure you will agree that birthdays are BULLSHIT. You have done nothing to deserve all this. Today, you are just a hairy freeloader forcing a social tax on your friends for food, drinks and gifts. Congratulations — you are now a socialist.
I never thought it would happen to me. Riding on the flat dirt path next to a canal, I got passed — by an even fatter biker.
It was created to solve a problem that didn’t exist, and now the very existence of the Electoral College creates a bigger problem — giving power to losers.
Sure the rooms were $350 a night, and we could only get a room up the stairs with a “street view,” and the restaurants were closed, and no barbecues on the beach, and there was no food or booze service on the beach. But it came with a “free mask.”
Among the Pendejos we have a split decision on whether Shad should be nominated for a bronze medal in Dick Move of the Year 2021.
Like most dangerous things, it started with an innocent and simple suggestion.
The echos of 7th grade math have been reverberating through my house for the past 2 months.
“Ohh Jesus, I can’t see it. Can you?” Sugar Mama asked as she held her phone as far away from her scrunched up face as possible.