I’ve spent thousands on a good bike. Hundreds on shoes and clothes. I spent $1.29 on a snickers bar that fucked up a perfectly good ride.
Covid-19 has forced us to replace sports with documentaries about sports. Kills time, but fucks up the betting.
ESPN played “The Last Dance”, Michael Jordan’s ode to himself, and 30 for 30’s series on Lance Armstrong practically back-to-back.
Sometimes the universe hates my plans.
I was a little fat social outcast. Who knew I would grow up to be The Man.
The democrats cried “fascist” like the boy who cried “wolf” and it sucked all the power out of the word. I thought it was stupid at the time, and I still do.
PayPal is no friend of mine. I’ve been banned. I “knew too much.”
Covid-19 Quarantine has sent many of us scurrying back to our bicycles.
Some for the first time since childhood. I see them on the bike paths, wearing a T-shirt and jeans shorts with no pads, gears squeaking from the spider webs they didn’t bother to wipe, and weaving all over the road like drunks.
Old people often look back on their youth as a simpler time. That’s bullshit. Life was complicated as soon as we dropped out of the trees and walked across the savannah on our hind legs.
Some men show love and affection through jewelry and flowers. Some men buy houses and cars.
I showed my love through eating.
Put tires on my road bike that are 3 millimeters wider (25 to 28 mm), so I could ride on a little dirt. What did I get? A berating from two “expert” trail users.
I sometimes worry about my mental health. I’m lying in bed and I get these manic ideas of social research about spatial awareness or even how to save the world. You know bullshit theories.
This is a good one.
This “re-opening” shit is giving me Deja-Vu.
It’s either a glitch in the Matrix, or I’ve been watching too many fucking documentaries, and I spent too much time with my grandfather.
Other kids wanted to grow up to be astronauts, firefighters or doctors. I dreamed I was born the second son of a Landed Lord or a Robber Baron and blew the family fortune on booze and broads and bad ideas…
It took me 10 minutes to decide the •% symbols were the best to replace “uc” in fucking.
I had never used symbols to cover up letters in a dirty word before. If I’m going to use a dirty word, I want the full effect.
Email: Subject Line: [My favorite password]
Holy fucking shit, I’ve been hacked.