Other kids wanted to grow up to be astronauts, firefighters or doctors. I dreamed I was born the second son of a Landed Lord or a Robber Baron and blew the family fortune on booze and broads and bad ideas…
It took me 10 minutes to decide the •% symbols were the best to replace “uc” in fucking.
I had never used symbols to cover up letters in a dirty word before. If I’m going to use a dirty word, I want the full effect.
Email: Subject Line: [My favorite password]
Holy fucking shit, I’ve been hacked.
Ignorance can be bliss.
I wish I had never learned the “breed” name for my little pandemic puppy.
My father’s Senior Living Community in Arizona is sealed like a zip-lock doggie bag.
No family in or out. The “inmates” can walk the courtyard but not outside the building.
I don’t want to admit how many tens-of-thousands of dollars I have spent on road bikes in the past decade. But in this pandemic, worth every fucking penny.
I’ve had dogs that liked me, but they always “loved” other people. This past few weeks I found a dog that actually loves me. If I’m lucky, for the next 15 years, I won’t be able to take a shit by myself.
It took almost 20 years, but I have a new favorite joke.
My old favorite still makes me laugh, but not nearly as hard as it used to (be — a common condition at my age).
For the first time in 35 years together, the Bear and I are doing a little bit of hoarding.
I know what you are thinking, and fuck you. It’s just a little bit of hoarding, and it’s not for us.
Just when I think Americans and their leaders are so fucked-up, the country hardly deserves to survive, we do something as a group I can finally salute.
For not the first time in a decade, the man cave has come in handy.
Originally posted on stephen metcalfe:
? In my house, my place of escape, refuge, privacy, contemplation and uninterrupted reading is on the toilet. When the going gets tough, the tough get going and I go to the bathroom. Excuse me, I’ll say! I have to go sit for…
I was struggling to get up Las Sendas when these four 70-something, fat ass, snowbirds from Michigan floated past me like they were riding on a cloud.
I’m not one of these nuts that wants to spread the virus or let grandparents die to “save” the economy. All these deaths from Covid-19 are preventable, and we should do everything we can to save each person.
But now is a good time for a little perspective.
With this pandemic, it’s morning zoom and night.
By that I mean I’m lucky enough to be on non-stop conference calls with Zoom — the best of the fucked-up softwares that make every virtual meeting feel like it’s taking place in a busy bus terminal.