About 20 years ago, I heard red wine is good for you. Probably bullshit, but that doesn’t keep me from drinking 2-3 bottles a month.
And not that good red wine either. I drink the cheap shit — straight from Trader Joes. Get ready to bend down low, because my bottles are on the bottom shelf.
It’s an instinct that probably goes back to our days chasing mammoths over a cliff. Cyclists see another rider ahead and do everything they can to pass that bastard.
If I was smart, I would have gone to Las Vegas on Sunday. On Saturday, I hit the fucking Rant is Due lottery — Lewis Black read another of my little stories.
I used to think I would never understand Evangelicals for Trump. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Can’t they read their own book?
When I first saw it, I was offended like an 18-year-old woman being called a “freshman” at an Ivy League School.
We are all born with some anti-social “behaviors” like monkeys flinging shit in a zoo; until our families, “friends” and classmates beat the rules of society into our thick skulls.
Americans in 2019 are getting a steady stream of how much “better” it is in other countries. Thanks O’Trumpa.
But I got way to make them pay…
No means no goddamnit. But not at Apple.
There’s a list of advantages to only spending weekends with the spouse. Surprise visits is not one of them.
If you are ever feeling fat and old, go to Deadwood, South Dakota in the summer. Look around the casino, walk the streets. In 5 minutes, you will feel a lot fucking better.
One of the biggest crimes happened almost as soon as Christianity started.
Before they even got a smidgeon of power, early Christians were already burning books and libraries.
The CVS drugstore near my office is clean, efficient, and can fill every imagniable personal need.
It’s fucking amazing. I love it.
Unfortunately, it’s more of a magnet for crime than a two-dollar whore house.
How can you spot a happy bikers? Count the bugs in their teeth.
I know that’s an old terrible joke… but it sort of applies to bicycles too. I’ve swallowed my share of “free protein” — especially riding at night.
I love Labor Day.
The Fourth of July is bullshit; Christmas perpetuates the Greatest Lie Ever Told; but Labor Day is simple and honest: Let’s take a day off to celebrate that we get to take days off.
My father is 88 years old. His biggest problem in the world is keeping his hometown girlfriend from meeting his traveling girlfriend.