“I’m dying,” the wife said in a way we all knew she was not.
I spent 5 days in a schizophrenic haze. Not something as cool as a mental break — just a vacation with my 90-year-old dad.
“I bought this bike, so I could ride it. I don’t want to learn how to fix it.”
I got a new iPhone with face recognition. Now my Twitter feed is fucking with me.
I don’t need no IQ test to tell how stupid people think I am. I just need the Bear to leave for a few days.
Fat Bikers are hell on wheels.
I finally conceded. Nobody reads anymore, so I created a video page. https://kieranbullshit.com/videos-lewis-black/
I don’t trust people who don’t cuss — those fuckers are hiding something.
I’ve been a journalist and an English teacher, and I can tell you some of what we shove down kids’ throats as “grammar” is bullshit.
If I was smart, I would have gone to Las Vegas on Sunday. On Saturday, I hit the fucking Rant is Due lottery — Lewis Black read another of my little stories.
No means no goddamnit. But not at Apple.
There’s a list of advantages to only spending weekends with the spouse. Surprise visits is not one of them.
I went down some fucking rabbit hole on the internet and ended up on this post: The 5 Most Powerful Words in the English Language. I’m calling bullshit on this whole thing.
I’ve been writing this bullshit for two-and-a-half-years. Jesus, I could have had a master’s degree by now. In those 30 months, I’ve gone from 5 to about 8 readers. Following how my god damn generation raised all these douchebags, when you hit 8 participants, it’s time to present the participation trophies.
I was just two windows away from my second possible menage-a-trois, and I’m so old, I didn’t even turn around to look.