Tag: Fat Biker

Fat Biker: Screwed

I was as happy as a school girl on heroin pedaling through a residential neighborhood in San Diego — when I got screwed. Hundreds of times. That’s how many drywall screws were lying about the bike lane pointing every which way. Gray screws against gray pavement. Almost impossible […]

Fat Biker: Bugs

How can you spot a happy bikers? Count the bugs in their teeth.

I know that’s an old terrible joke… but it sort of applies to bicycles too. I’ve swallowed my share of “free protein” — especially riding at night.

Fat Biker: Animal Control

Being a fat biker (pedaling not Harley) with no pigment leaves me little choice.  I have to ride at night or risk Satan’s kisses (sunburn all over). 

I’m a night person anyway. I put on two motorcycle power headlights, a flashing red tail light and head out once the sun turned off.

Fat Biker: Wheel Suckers

Most cyclists are your basic MAMIL’s (middle-aged men in lycra) — you know harmless, masochistic skinny fucks who enjoy burning muscle pain and oxygen deprivation. 

But occasionally out of a pack of MAMIL’s, one douchebag will pop up like burnt toast.  There’s a few different types of douches, but the worst is the wheel-sucker.

Kevin Hotter

Los Angeles Freelance Writer • Comedian • Photographer •

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Didi Oviatt

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The Out And Abouter

- Satire, Commentary, Satirical Commentary -