Fat Biker: Narrow Paths

January 2, 2020January 1, 2020 ~ Kieran ~ 10 Comments

For years I wished the town of Gilbert would pave the canal path from Guadalupe to Warner Road. Sometimes it's better for wishes not to come true.

Fat Biker: Bugs

September 5, 2019September 3, 2019 ~ Kieran ~ 3 Comments

How can you spot a happy bikers? Count the bugs in their teeth. I know that's an old terrible joke... but it sort of applies to bicycles too. I've swallowed my share of "free protein" -- especially riding at night.

Fat Biker: Attack of the Asthma

August 22, 2019August 21, 2019 ~ Kieran ~ 4 Comments

For more than half a century I took breathing for granted. Sure I would get out of breath on a mountain climb or a sprint, but then... hit 55 years old and dun, dun, dunnnn: exercise-induced asthma.

Fat Biker: Here’s Sweat in Your Eye

July 18, 2019July 17, 2019 ~ Kieran ~ 9 Comments

Ohh God it burns, when these little balls of salty sweat roll or drop right into the corner of your eyes. It doesn't happen every ride. Sometimes it happens when it hot, sometimes when it's not.

Fat Biker: Animal Control

April 9, 2019April 9, 2019 ~ Kieran ~ 8 Comments

Being a fat biker (pedaling not Harley) with no pigment leaves me little choice. I have to ride at night or risk Satan's kisses (sunburn all over). I'm a night person anyway. I put on two motorcycle power headlights, a flashing red tail light and head out once the sun turned off.

Fat Biker: Wheel Suckers

February 26, 2019February 25, 2019 ~ Kieran ~ 4 Comments

Most cyclists are your basic MAMIL's (middle-aged men in lycra) -- you know harmless, masochistic skinny fucks who enjoy burning muscle pain and oxygen deprivation. But occasionally out of a pack of MAMIL's, one douchebag will pop up like burnt toast. There's a few different types of douches, but the worst is the wheel-sucker.