I’m not sure when Gilbert, Az started letting roosters live in my neighborhood, but last year some fucking little Foghorn Leghorn moved in almost next door.
Imagine if we actually could make the dead spin in their graves…
Look down when you are leaving the bar at the 3rd world racquet club — one of these steps is not like the others. It’s blonde and has a slightly different pattern
“I’m dying,” the wife said in a way we all knew she was not.
One of the worst parts of being a fat cyclist is the clothes.
I spent 5 days in a schizophrenic haze. Not something as cool as a mental break — just a vacation with my 90-year-old dad.
My 90-year-old father and I flew 3000 miles to see them. The Frick and the Met, museums that is. Art gold. Let me spill a little tea.*
Am I the only person on earth who thinks the Supreme Court should have to show its work?
When did Americans get so goddamn gullible? We fall for propaganda like a middle-age man picking internet brides from Asia.
During this fucking pandemic, I think I forgot how to do it. But I’m not the only one.
In order for me to get off, you need to get on…
I was taking my paper bag (I know I hate this fucking planet) and leaving Trader Joe’s, when I saw it.
Holy fuck. A guy was drinking a beer in the checkout line. He had a half-finished six pack at the register. His wife or girlfriend was loading the groceries. No one said shit.
Facebook, Apple and Google — guess what, we hate you like you were the phone company or the post office in 1975.
The Boy made one little change on Facebook, and it sent the Savages into a tizzy.
Vladimir Putin is the king of bullshitters. He’s so good, even when you know he’s lying, you have to think for a second to realize just how steamy his hot pile can get…
Most of my neighbors are so fucked up I can barely look them in the eye, but the Bear and the boy keep dragging me into conversations with them.