Other kids wanted to grow up to be astronauts, firefighters or doctors. I dreamed I was born the second son of a Landed Lord or a Robber Baron and blew the family fortune on booze and broads and bad ideas...
My little witness-protection friend may have to change his nickname. His "real" name is Ed Vegas -- or so he says, but how many "Venezuelans" have the last name Vegas? That's the US Marshal's office laughing their ass off as they make fake names for each Colombian drug lord they turn.
You would never know from reading this Bullshit, but I have a secret. I'm a registered Republican in the state of Arizona.
Some old white guys hate taxes and never want to fund government research. Some old white guys are fucking idiots.
When I first saw it, I was offended like an 18-year-old woman being called a "freshman" at an Ivy League School.
It's taken me months to fully admit it... But I can now say I was sexually harassed on a boat in Alaska.
I went down some fucking rabbit hole on the internet and ended up on this post: The 5 Most Powerful Words in the English Language. I'm calling bullshit on this whole thing.
I've been writing this bullshit for two-and-a-half-years. Jesus, I could have had a master's degree by now. In those 30 months, I've gone from 5 to about 8 readers. Following how my god damn generation raised all these douchebags, when you hit 8 participants, it's time to present the participation trophies.
I might have to break a couple of semi-famous thumbs.
Believe it or not, I have a friend, who recently became "famous" for quitting. Well, at least "internet famous" (in Tucson only) when he quietly retired.