Opened the fridge door — damn that smelled like shit. I knew exactly what to blame. That 18-inch long bag of celery.
While other people ignore the warnings and pack the airports, there will be no big Savage family Thanksgiving. Can’t have 20-plus people gather in 2020.
There are hours (never full days) when I miss being a teacher. Then the Bear tells me “how her day went” and I remember: ohh that shit sucks.
Saturday morning there were 3 cookies left — the Savage chocolate chip cookies with just the right amount of crack.
“Those are for you and your brother,” the Bear said. “You figure out how to share them.”
It only took 6 years to beat the Nazis. The Odyessey was done in 10. Wimps. It took me 50 years to finally win “the grass wars.”
My clueless riders, didn’t ask and didn’t know those things. They just assumed that everyone thinks it’s OK to endanger and maybe kill other people who don’t look like or sound like you.
My first tamale was “the Charles Barkley” of tamales, “terrible, just terrible.”
I thought it was “hot” outside when we had “Thanks-grilling”, until the Bear decided we should do a Savage Shrimp Boil in early September.
The fucking Savages started this trend of mini-dogs. The Boy followed and several months ago picked up a 13-pound rat that exhibits dog-like behavior.
The Bear teaches 6th grade in a poor neighborhood. Every once in a while when the Phoenix Suns really suck, they pad the house by giving away tickets
My mother’s most famous student — Jeffrey Dahmer, the gay cannibal.
About 30 Savages invaded the Bear’s home on Thursday — yes it was Thanksgiving. We had shish-kaboobs outside in 90-degree heat at 1 p.m
Ironing is fucking stupid and dangerous, and we should all stop it.
There are many weekend days at home in Gilbert when I miss our little solar-powered House Elf. I’m not talking about the Roomba
We screwed up raising this kid — the Boy likes people and has no sense of shame or social awkwardness.