There are hours (never full days) when I miss being a teacher. Then the Bear tells me “how her day went” and I remember: ohh that shit sucks.
Saturday morning there were 3 cookies left — the Savage chocolate chip cookies with just the right amount of crack.
“Those are for you and your brother,” the Bear said. “You figure out how to share them.”
It only took 6 years to beat the Nazis. The Odyessey was done in 10. Wimps. It took me 50 years to finally win “the grass wars.”
My clueless riders, didn’t ask and didn’t know those things. They just assumed that everyone thinks it’s OK to endanger and maybe kill other people who don’t look like or sound like you.
My first tamale was “the Charles Barkley” of tamales, “terrible, just terrible.”
I thought it was “hot” outside when we had “Thanks-grilling”, until the Bear decided we should do a Savage Shrimp Boil in early September.
The fucking Savages started this trend of mini-dogs. The Boy followed and several months ago picked up a 13-pound rat that exhibits dog-like behavior.
The Bear teaches 6th grade in a poor neighborhood. Every once in a while when the Phoenix Suns really suck, they pad the house by giving away tickets
My mother’s most famous student — Jeffrey Dahmer, the gay cannibal.
About 30 Savages invaded the Bear’s home on Thursday — yes it was Thanksgiving. We had shish-kaboobs outside in 90-degree heat at 1 p.m
Ironing is fucking stupid and dangerous, and we should all stop it.
There are many weekend days at home in Gilbert when I miss our little solar-powered House Elf. I’m not talking about the Roomba
We screwed up raising this kid — the Boy likes people and has no sense of shame or social awkwardness.
I feel about dogs the way most people feel about children — I love mine; I don’t give a flying fuck about yours. Until recently, dogs were a part of my life. But after the last dog died, the Boy went to college and I moved to Tucson. […]
It had been 25 years since I had smoked pot, when the Bear and I learned the new rules: Puff, Puff, Pass. We were visiting the Boy’s house