Becoming a Skinny Fuck in San Francisco

 It sucks being the only fat man in San Francisco. I was there for work last week squeezed into a conference hotel with a 1000 skinny fucks. A bunch of vegans and vegetarians with food allergies surrounded me.  Even in the few moments when I escaped the hotel, the streets were packed, the restaurants and bars had these tiny chairs and tables stacked on each other like legos.

Fat Biker: Wheel Suckers

Most cyclists are your basic MAMIL's (middle-aged men in lycra) -- you know harmless, masochistic skinny fucks who enjoy burning muscle pain and oxygen deprivation.  But occasionally out of a pack of MAMIL's, one douchebag will pop up like burnt toast.  There's a few different types of douches, but the worst is the wheel-sucker.