Political Correctness

The Canada

Valdimir Putin is the king of bullshit. Even when you know he’s lying, you have to think for a second to realize just how steamy his hot pile can get. God knows he fooled Tucker Carlson and a slew of other right-wing idiots.

But sometimes he can slip the small stuff past real people too. Case in point. “The Ukraine.”

Why don’t we all just say “Ukraine” like every other country?

Because of bullshit propaganda from Russia dating back to the old Soviet Union. It’s just a way to “de-country” a country and make it feel like it’s just a region or a place like “The Arctic” or “The Sahara”.

That shit creeps over from the Russian sources into English and makes its way in our heads so old people like me can’t even say Ukraine without having to self-edit the “The.”

There’s power in subtleties of language that frame our thinking whether we want them to or not.

We even have to correct ourselves in pronouncing Kyiv. We all want to spell it Kiev and end strong on the “ev”, but that’s the Russian way. Ukrainians let it slide until Putin took Crimea. They fought back with the Ukrainian spelling and pronunciation. Now we watch our newscasters twist themselves in little knots to get it right.

It’s hard to teach an old Wolf Blitzer new tricks.

Putin is even borrowing Hitler’s old trick of using language and an incorrect history of culture and kin to say that he is saving “Russian speakers” in eastern Ukraine. It’s the Sudetenland all over again.

It sounds good to the innocent or uncaring ear. It’s not a land grab for power and influence. It’s a Putin family reunion.

But language is not nationality.

Imagine if we applied these concepts to North America. “The Canada” would never really be a country. It’s just the colder cousin of ‘Merica.

Like the Ukraine and Russia, there’s a history of sibling rivalry between The Canada and the real America. 200 years ago, we burned York. They burned Washington DC. We invaded Quebec a couple of times. They helped the British march through New England, twice.

Remember Fifty Four Forty or Fight? Yeah, that got James K. Polk elected in 1844. Let’s start a war with “the Canada” (which was The British at the time) to get Oregon, Washington and points north.

What would Putin do with this bit of 200-year-old propaganda? All that purple was supposed to be in America…

Got Polk elected. He made a deal with Canada/British and then ended up invading Mexico.

One way or the other, we were going to stretch from sea to shinning sea. Didn’t really matter how many other countries or native tribes we had to invade/destroy to do it. Manifest Destiny America — we did that shit.

Did you know that we lost that fight for “Canada” (sort of)? We settled for the 49th parallel instead of 54-40. That’s right those British bastards took what should have been ours.

British Columbia was mostly settled by Californians looking for gold. It’s more American than Crimea is Russian.

Imagine if some fake-election, Putin-living dictator ran America like a “genius.” We would heal that old wound just like Putin in Crimea. Invade BC — Tucker would say we are saving good English speaking Americans who have been under the boot of those French socialists from the east.

Dictator America would invade just because we could — they speak English there, right?

Sure there would be sanctions. Maybe they would kick America out of the G-8 7 6 for its aggression. But the world would still buy our gasoline and use our dollars.

Wait another 7-8 years after British Columbia. We can get that stupid “u” out of Vancouver, (and flavor and colour). Then, we can grab the whole country of Canada. A couple of bombs, a few tanks, and those North Americans will greet our soldiers with Tim Horton donuts and flasks of Canadian Kentucky Whiskey.

Opps. Maybe that wouldn’t happen. After a month of some pesky resistance, and speeches from Justin Trudeau in a green T-shirt, maybe we will settle for Alberta. You know it’s more like Texas than Quebec. Americans are good at just “taking their oil.”

Hell, half of Canada may be happy to see it go , if we take those MAGA truckers with us. It would be just like Ukraine letting go of Crimea and the eastern provinces for good. Peace for a piece — of your country.

If this picture of The Canada doesn’t help you to see through Putin’s bullshit, you just might be a Tucker Carlson.

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